Bonus Wednesday Post: Rhett Miller's New Song!!

That's right! The King-of-all-my-things has a new CD due out June 9th and his handlers were nice enough to post one of the new tunes "I Need to Know Where I Stand" on his MySpace page:

http://www.myspace.com/rhettmiller

Check it out. It's really good...and that's not just me being a huge, biased, fanatical fan. Geo thinks it's really good, too...and you know he has to suffer my obsession, so it must be good. Seriously. Listen to it now. It's groovy.

In Which I Attempt To Do Some House Cleaning Of Unposted Drafts 

Okay, so I was looking through my list of posts and noticed some unpublished bits. Some of them are crap and will just be left to die on the vine, so to speak. But some of them I'm going to give a second chance, because quite honestly I haven't had many inspired thoughts about which to blog lately. That, and... I'm kinda lazy. However, this topic still grinds my gears... so here goes

New and Improved?

Okay, so what is up with the "Followers" block on our blogs? I suspect it's Senor Blogface's attempt to improve and update the function of stalking your followers more efficiently blah blah blah. Whatever.

It's annoying right?

Unlike the old "Follower" format where one simple click gave access to your new reader's stats (age, place of origin, stripper name...), this new piece of crap makes you jump through hoops to get to the profile which can be accessed ONLY if your new BFF has a blog. How is this an improvement? Nobody asked me if I wanted it to change.

Speaking of annoying, can we please stop this daylight savings thing already! Back in the dark ages DST was a way for the farmers to squeak out one more hour of daylight by which to sow and reap their crops. I get that. But nowadays we have this little thing known as ELECTRICITY which helps folks to see in the dark. According to this site the extra hour of light in the evenings because of daylight savings time effectively curbs violent crimes. So why not keep DST all year round and stop dicking with my head.

**Yeah, this last paragraph is a little dated because I'm over the whole daylight-savings-time-jet-lag at the moment, but the idea of it still ticks me off. I'll be grousing again in the Fall. 

PSSSST...Don't Tell Anyone, But 

I'm having an affair...

with my SHEETS!

I'm not kidding. Every morning I wake up with the same thought--I LOVE my sheets. They're long, blonde, deep pocketed, silky smooth to the touch and Egyptian. Seriously. Between the comfy cozy pillow top mattress and these marvelous 300 count silky cotton wonders, I can barely pry myself away to start the day. Every morning in that dreamy state of slumber just prior to waking, I find myself rubbing my feet back and forth against the luscious fibers like a cricket. Only I'm not chirping...I'm purring. 

They make me purr. 

How sick is that? Really. That ain't right. Or maybe me telling you this is the "ain't right" part. I don't know. I can't help it. I'm a tactile person AND I'm Italian, so there's that whole touchy-feeling nationality thing going on. Anywho, that's my story and I'm sticking with it, dammit.

Seriously, do yourself a huge solid and buy a set of these dreamy 300 count Egyptian cotton sheets TODAY. You'll thank me later.

A Lost Musical Gem Someone Found On The Internet 

and because you know how much I love the Old 97's  

Okay, so I LOVE  the Old 97's and Rhett Miller. No surprise there. Anyone who has read a modicum of my crappy blog knows that. So somebody on the Old 97's forum site (yes...there are a LOT of others who obsess as I) tracked down this little-known, previously unrecorded song Rhett penned in an obviously dark point in his day. 

It's totally sick and twisted (and hilarious), but still shows his talent as a wordsmith and performer. The Dude give 100% no matter what. Maybe they'll consider "resurrecting" this tune for their new tour. *groan* yeah, that was bad. Enjoy. 

Jack - Old 97s

Friday Photo #19 

or "Spring is busting out all over"  

Sorry. I can't carry a tune. Anywho, Spring has returned to the Burgh! Wooo Hooo! The Star Magnolias are in full bloom, plum and cherry blossoms are bursting open, the buttery yellow daffodils are standing tall, the air smells of fragrant Hyacinths, people are sneezing... yeah, it's Spring. But do you want to know the biggest sign that Spring is finally here? 

The Ice Cream Truck guy is BACK!!!!!! 

That's right. The crazy Carnie guy and his maddening Siren's call loop of "The Entertainer" is back to tempt our children (young and old) with his promise of over-priced, creamy goodness. I'm salivating just thinking about it. 

Welcome back, Spring!

In Which I Admit I Hate Change And Am Sad... 

or why is it we always lose the good ones? 

Okay, so long ago and far away before I became a lifetime indentured servant at the Special K, I had many, many jobs. They were jobs of varying duties, but they all had one thing in common... I was the one who said goodbye and left for greener pastures. 

I always had the ability to make strong friendships with coworkers, but inevitably my employment would come to its natural end for one reason or another, there would be a lovely "going-away" party and I'd walk out the door with a parting gift bag of various stolen office supplies, ready to embrace my next adventure. 

I've been at my current position for *gasp* 25 years. Over that time frame, I have watched many come and go through our revolving door and I must admit it sucks to be left behind. I much prefer being the one who leaves. It doesn't leave a scar on your heart.

To be honest, most of the people who have walked out the door had overstayed their welcome. It was simply their time to go, and their departure caused no great personal pain or emptiness. Then there are those whose absence will be forever felt. There haven't been many... three to be exact.

Today makes four...

This morning we bid farewell to one of my favorite coworkers of all time, Keith. He's charming, goofy, quick witted, sassy and has a delightfully twisted sense of humor that mirrors my own.  He is the King of "That's What She Said" and keeps us in stitches during commercial breaks. In short, he is an absolute blast to work with. Professionally he has the ability to put whomever he's interviewing at ease, allowing each person to open up and be himself. A true talent especially for hosting an entertainment show like Pittsburgh Today Live. And he ain't bad to look at either.

...even when he's carrying a girlie, gold purse. Sadly, as is the case in TV, his contract was not renewed and so will now call Tampa his home. 

And that sucks...

Personally, I got to know him better over the past several months by instant messaging on Facebook--while we were both at work. (Hey, you gotta do something productive in that eight hours, right?) He and I would dish, snark, spar, joke and generally conduct off-color exchanges over the interweb--a mere floor apart--in an attempt to crack each other up and make the work day a little lighter. Thankfully he'll still be on Facebook so the merriment can continue, but it won't be the same. I won't be able to stand along side the camera and watch the glint of mischief sparkle in his eyes as he reads unintentionally dirty phrases like "spilled its load" and "a great ball handler" or bust him up with a rude off-camera gesture. 

*sigh*  I will miss him immensely.

I'm happy to report we sent him on his way in our usual sophisticated fashion. 

We could not have chosen a more appropriate confectionery send off. And in case you're wondering... Yes. It IS a sugary-sweet 3-D willy.

As you can see he LOVED it... almost as much as we love him. 

Keith, it has been an enormous pleasure and privilege to work and play with you, my friend. Your irreverence and humor have been a solar flare of brightness in the otherwise dismally dark abyss of tedium. You will be missed every minute of every day. Be well.

So long Schlong.

"Skootch Just A Little Closer To The Edge Of The Table" 

or dude, could you at least warm that thing up first... 

Okay, so I had my annual Gyney appointment this morning. For those of the male persuasion, this is the most dreaded, anxiety-filled and mortifying doctor's appointment in a gal's entire life. I'm not kidding. Most women would rather have naked pictures of themselves posted on the internet than go to this appointment. Okay, maybe naked pictures on the internet is not the best example, but you get the idea.

*Note to readers of the male persuasion...you might want to stop reading now. Details are following.**

The only good thing about a Gyney exam is it is mercifully short--weighing in at a mere five minutes. 

That's the good news. 

The bad news is the anxiety starts in earnest the morning of.. what with the extra shaving and plucking in an attempt to pretend that, you know, you aren't a Yeti. Because you don't want this Dr. Dude to be put off by your unkempt cooter while he's jamming his five-foot-wide, man-hands up your love canal to squeeze the life out of your ovaries in a misguided attempt to find buried treasure. Sometimes I swear to God he's left his wedding ring and keys behind. Am I right ladies?

The whole experience is just bizarre. You're in this gown--open in the front--with a sheet draped over your lap. Then the doc instructs you to "skootch to the end of the table and put your feet in the stirrups". Yeah...nothing awkward about that besides the fact his face is going to be about an inch from your freshly groomed betty. 

Next up he pulls out an enormous, icy-cold scissor jack from the back of his car, known in the medical community as a speculum, to crank open your girlie bits to the size of manhole. Then I swear to God he straps on a miner's helmut light, ducks behind the thin curtain of sheeting and sends a canary in to test the air. This is when you pray you washed well enough that morning, because, you know, nobody wants a dead canary stinking up her squish mitten. People will talk. 

This is also when he decides to engage in conversation, which always makes me chuckle because I envision cartoon thought bubbles coming from behind the draped sheet. "So, how about that Pens game last night?" "You want I should check the engine while I'm in here?"  Just a little mental exercise to get me through and block the horror.

One quick scraping with a 28" bottle brush, an oil change and an MP3 port installation later, he hangs a tiny pine tree air freshener on my tube and closes up shop for another year. 

Nothing left to do except scoop up your clothes along with what's left of your dignity and head home. Seriously, next time he's buying me a drink beforehand...

Ain't it grand being a girl?