You guys...
I RETIRED!
I was actually planning to hang up my lanyard in April of 2024, but as the Universe would have it, I moved it up a year. Back in October of 2022, the GM called for a mandatory meeting with both shifts. BOTH shifts. That's never good. And it wasn't.
They revealed their grand plan to automate the studio, which basically means the audio, visual aspect, and camera operations would all be run via a coded computer program. The only positions left manned, besides the program operator, would be prompter and floor manager, ironically the two positions that have been threatened to be eliminated for decades now. Anywho, all the managers were singing the praises of the system, how easy it was going to be, how much better life would be for all involved, yadda yadda yadda...
This Home Girl decided right then and there she was having none of that BS, and in her head, chose a date to leave as she exited the building that afternoon. She also decided to stop referring to herself in the third person. Praise Baby Jesus.
The only person from work I told about my impending departure was my good friend, Beets. When I opened the door to our abode, the first thing I said to Geo was "you need to get a job, because I'm out". My Ever-Luvin looked at me with wide eyes, and told me how much I love my job, to which I not-so-gently informed him he doesn't get to tell me how I fucking feel about my job. Oh, it was a full-on, in-your-face retort with head shakin' and finger pointin'. LOL Bottom line is, you know when it's time to say Buh-Bye, Buttheads.
Here's the thing, when I turned 62 in 2022, I felt a sense of liberty. I called it my freedom age. I was STOKED! I know. Weird to be excited about being 62, right? But hear me out. At 62, if things take a turn for the worse at your job, you're 62. You're not stuck, forced to become numb to the latest pain inflicted upon you by the Powers That Be. You can collect Social Security, yo! You are free to tell them all to fuck off.
Holla!!!
Added bonus, you get half price train tickets on New Jersey transit!
Can I get a Whut Whut!!!
Anywho, all that financial crap worked out fine. We def aren't millionaires, but we are still firmly in the middle class. Hooray for loooooong indentured servitude and 401Ks!
Having made my decision six months prior to my best-bye end date, I had the luxury of time to figure out my exit plan. I mean, I had been at the Special K since the tender age of 23. I grew up there. I learned to live on coffee, honed my twisted sense of humor, and perfected my ability to cuss like a GD BOSS there. To get a job in the field in which I studied, and spend my entire career at the only station I ever wanted to work, was a dream come true. I couldn't NOT do something to help me process this crazy, chaotic, amazing job I was leaving behind. I'll be honest, at times I both loved and loathed my job, but mainly I loved it and the beautiful freaks with whom I worked. I toiled in the real world prior to KD, so trust me when I tell you, even with all of the madness, insane hours, intensity of live programming, working in television was a waaaay better fit for me. I could not have chosen a more appropriate profession for my skewed personality. I am grateful for my time there, and the life it afforded me.
Speaking of insane hours, we went on the air at the ridiculous time of 4:30am. Depending on which job I was on, I would not be unable to leave my position for up to 2 1/2 to 3 hours. Ergo, I had to precisely time my coffee intake in a manner that would a) not cause a bathroom mishap, and b) keep me all caffeined up to floor manage PTL at 9am.*
*side note: one of the greatest things about retirement is now my colon is Free to Be! No time restrictions anymore, it can do its thang whenever, BABY! It's glorious!
But I digress...
One night as I struggled to fall asleep, the idea of a career countdown came to me. I measured out 30 k-cups, and at the mark of my final 30 work days, I did a k-cup countdown. Every day I took a photo of the k-cup with the numbered day then added photos of the many incredible actors, musicians, comedians, local superstars, and animals I had the pleasure to meet throughout my 40-year tenure. The link above highlights each of my final 30 days, if you're horribly bored and interested in some of the rubbish I posted, click away.
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| first k-cup countdown |
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| final k-cup countdown |
I felt particularly nostalgic one weekend, and videotaped a final look around the station. We had recently gone through a wide renovation of the newsroom and lower level. It's funny how you can be so ready to cut the cord, but then get choked up by the realization you won't be walking these familiar halls daily.
Everyone was so unbelievably sweet to me on the lead up to my departure. So many kind words, big hugs, and tokens of affection. I started marking the "Lasts": the last time I would switch a show, the last time I would come to work on three hours sleep because I am my own archenemy and stayed up too late on New Year's Eve, the last time I would work on the Sunday Steelers show, the last time I would scheme to be off on the weekend for an out of town concert, the last time my name would appear on the schedule.
I honestly did not expect anything special at work to commemorate my retirement besides a cake, but my family from our little morning show that could, PTL gave me the best sendoff. I was invited to join them on the desk during the A block, and again on the couch at the end of the show on my penultimate day. I didn't find out I was going to be on until the day before, and full disclosure, I was more than a little concerned I'd swear on the air. I swear a lot. A LOT. Anywho, the day of, my bosses, Bobbo and Toooodd, who were my friends before lording over me, came down to the studio for moral support and remind me not to cuss. LOL
As evidenced by the video, I made it through with clean language, if not sweaty pits. HaHa! I only teared up a little at the end, which was a fucking relief! Thank God I washed my unruly Medusa locks.
And now you know what my voice sounds like. I'm so sorry.
Moving on...
As the Gods would have it, my final day was Take Your Kid To Work Day. I'm usually off on Thursdays, but I chose April 27th as my last day, because, clearly, I hate myself. Aaaaanyway, for those who don't know, TYKTWD (i abbreviate like the cool kids) is when employees are encouraged to have their progeny shadow them throughout the work day as a way of showing the kids what they do for a living, inspiring them to think outside the box, yadda yadda yadda. Whatever. Everyone gets free ice cream at the end of the day. Or something like that. At the Special K, the kids get to be on PTL.
I could not have picked a more fitting way to end my career than the absolute mayhem of TYKTWD. We had 24 kids, their parents, and department heads all in the studio at once. We had four different set ups in the main studio AND the kitchen studio. The kids made slime, decorated cookies, there was magic, baby kangaroos, gators, free fancy AF popsicles. Thank sweet Baby Jesus there were three of us working the floor, wrangling kids and talent, and shuffling mics between two studios. My Ever-Luvin and our nephew, Alex, who is a news producer at a competing station (no, he did not ignite upon entry) came down to help me celebrate my grand finale. When the kids were in the kitchen for a segment, I had a minute to breath and finally say hello to them. My nephew was wide-eyed, mouth agape, and said "I have NEVER seen anything like this before" to which I responded, "Welcome to PTL! Gotta run and grab a mic." The hour was crazy and complete chaos and it. was. GLORIOUS!!! But the best part for me was the final segment of the show.
When I made the decision to call it a career, the only thing I wanted to do was smash my GD tyrannical alarm clock. That son of a bitch lorded over me for 30 years, screetching at me at the unGODly hour of 2:30am. That motherfucker needed to be silenced for GOOD! The only thing I asked for from the producers of PTL was to smash my alarm clock live on the air. And guess what...
YEAH, BABY!!!
No more shall that maniacal mechanical monster reign over me!
I think the kids were more excited than I was to watch me smash the shit outta that thing. My coworker's son kept a piece for his treasures box. LOL
Back in 2004, our long-time cameraman, Lenny retired. He left behind the plaid jacket he wore everyday in the studio to keep warm. As tribute, we hung it in the rafters on the lighting grid with 04 pinned to it. Thus began our tradition of hanging a token from everyone who retired from the Special K. Anyone who knows me knows of my undying love of Paul Rudd and the fact the pins on my lanyard reflect everything else you need to know about me. So of course my contribution to the rafter was my lanyard with all of my flair and the remains of my clock draped over a photoshopped picture of me and Paul Rudd.
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| Geo's handiwork |
We had a fantastic bash two days later. I was humbled by the turn out and the outpouring of love thrown my way. I'm surprised by how little I miss my job. What I do miss is seeing these faces on the daily. As I wrote in my farewell email to my KD family, some of our friendships will fade with the passing of space and time, but each and every one of them has touched my heart in an indelible way, and made my life that much richer.
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| I love this beautiful pack of freaks |
It's been six months since my release from indentured servitude, and I can say without hesitation, 5 stars. Highly recommend. I haven't looked back. Perhaps the greatest gift of retirement is sleep. I didn't realize how
fucking tired I've been for the past 30 years. I burned the shit outta that
candle, YO! I was exhausted, but regret absolutely NOTHING!
Here is a list of a few things I was looking forward to once I became a free bird: NOT setting an alarm; watching every hockey game to the final second; staying up to watch award shows; going to concerts any day of the week and NOT getting up early the next day; choosing where to travel to see my favorite bands by city, not day of the week; having ALL OF THE HOLIDAYS OFF!
On May 11, I declared this my Summer of Yes. I did whatever came my way. I traveled every month, but one. I met up with friends at the beach, the Midwest, Texas, Maine. Finally spent a long weekend with my high school and college friends. Went to a ton of concerts, plays, live podcasts. Basically gadded about, free as a butterfly. Of course, I couldn't have done any of that without the love, support, and endless patience of my Ever-Luvin who constantly puts up with my bullshit with grace, humor, and a few head shakes.
I have no idea what awaits me in 2024, but whatever happens, I know I will be rested and ready to jump onboard. At 23 I couldn't fathom being 63, let alone retired. I can tell you, young, sweet, innocent(?) Murray, your old-ass is having a helluva good time!
