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Thursday, February 19, 2009

In Which I "Borrow" a Topic  From Isabel 
hey, don't judge me. I'm giving her credit so get off my ass already... 

Okay, so last night I read one of my favorite bloggers, HolaIsabel. She's pregnant and went on about how "they"- the mysterious experts- tell you pregnant women have better sex lives (which she denies) and are prone to more (as in number) sexually charged dreams (which she confirms). Having never been preggers meself, I cannot speak to the truth of either of these two claims. 

But what is apparently universally true, whether one is with child or not, is how these vivid sex dreams never seem to get to the "Happy Ending" (if you know what I mean. yeah. you do. I can tell by the way you're chewing that ice cube...) before waking. 

What's up with that?

I've had some pretty fabuloso, semi-carnal unconscious trysts with mystery, somewhat faceless guys and one truly spectacular make-out session with TV's Kyle Chandler from his Early Edition days. It was on a couch, and he was all soft and manly, shirtless and a GREAT kisser!! Oh la la. But again...I woke up right when the BVDs were coming off. So. Not. Fair!

Why is it you always seem to stir when the gutchies start to come off. And no matter how hard you try, you can never, EVER go back to sleep to pick up where you left off in your subconscious booty call. Never happens. NEVER. Double Not Fair. Isabel attributes it to being loyal to her husband even in slumber. I think it's just the cosmos dicking with us... figuratively, and kinda literally, too... you know, because the cosmos is a mean drunk and sort of pricky.

In all the 26 years I've known Geo, I think I dreamt of him maybe... three times. And even WE didn't do the nasty in dreamland. I don't get it? (that's what she said--okay that was a freebie) You'd think since it's your hubby your subconscious would do you that solid and let it all play out, but nooooo. 

However, if I ever had a sex dream about the King-of-all-my-things Rhett Miller, I think my ovaries would spontaneously kick out three eggs and I'd wake up pregnant in dire need of a cigarette. Yowza! THAT would be seriously hawt!!   Look at him... he's thinking how hot that would be, too. Yeah... He wants me.  :D

1 comment:

Susan said...

Gutchies? I don't think I've ever heard that word used outside of my own family, growing up in Pittsburgh. I guarantee if I ask around here in Eastern PA no one will have heard of it. Apparently it is a Burgh thing? Love it!