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Saturday, April 11, 2009

Easter Candy Nobody Wants To Get
or it's been a tough week so some 12-year-old humor is in order

Okay, so everyone has their favorite Easter candy. Some folks like the traditional big ole, 5 pound, waxy chocolate bunny which you needed a meat clever to chop up into remotely edible pieces...and even then there was always some random bit of its body laying around four months after Easter collecting dust and turning that ever-so-appetizing shade of dusty white...only to be unceremoniously tossed into the trash alongside yesterday's banana peel and this mornings coffee grounds. Buh-bye Bunny. Thanks for stopping by.

Others have more refined tastes along the lines of Betsy Ann truffles, Godiva samplers and Sarris chocolate covered pretzels. All very tasty choices. Me? I needz my Reese's Peanut Butter Egg. Not that imitation crap...the REAL, honest-to-goodness, one-of-a-kind Reese's Peanut Butter Egg. Not to be a snob or anything, but the PB Egg is vastly superior to regular PB cups. It has the absolutely perfect ratio of twice as much peanut butter as chocolate. And when it's at room temperature and melty to the touch....Mmmmmmmm. Wait...I need a moment..

Aaaaand, I'm back.

What about Peeps? you may ask. And you may.

Don't get me started about the Peeps. I don't dig the Peeps. The thought of Peeps makes my teeth hurt, my mouth water (not in a good way) and my body want to convulse (again...not in a good way). Bleeech! Never could stand them. They do, however, blow up really cool when there's that going for them.

Of all the candies thrown around this time of year, I think everyone can agree that jelly beans rock, especially the tiny fruit pectin ones known as Jelly Bellys. That said, my 12-year-old friends and I have come up with a list of rejected jelly bean flavors. Enjoy. Happy Easter.

Bacon Strip, Tub Scum, Fecal Spore, Vinegar Douche, Snail Trax, Beer Loaf, Toe Jam, Schtickel of Schmegma, Oily Discharge, Man Yogurt, Festering Boil, Asparagus Tinkle, Head Cheese, Monkey Spunk, Belly Button Lint and finally Does This Look Infected To You?

So what's in your basket?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...


Missus K picked up two sheafs (right word? I think yes) of Reese's pb eggs today--a six-pack each for just a buck-a-pack at the Big K. Wicket owh-sum!