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Wednesday, July 29, 2009

or why I'll never be a successful knife thrower in the circus

Okay, so I'll admit it. I have a love/hate affair going on with my Santoku knife.

It is hands down (no pun intended) the GREATEST knife on this entire blue planet! Seriously. It's the only knife anyone ever needs. It's completely flat on the bottom so you can effortlessly chop through a line of veggies in no time flat. It makes cutting food a true joy. Look at how pretty it is. I LOVE IT!!

It also has a tendency to attack me.

No shit. I have more than one scar on my hand to attest to the occasional evil nature of my beloved blade.

Case in point... let us revisit last night, shall we. I had spiral cut a pineapple using a handy-dandy pineapple spiral cutting thingie to take along to Girl Fest at the Lake* this weekend. (This is a trip to Lake Erie me and my card club gal pals take every July. Loads of sun, fun and various alcoholic endeavors. Hey, we're's what we do.) As is illustrated in the photo, one is left with all the pineapple hugging the corer thingie in need of cutting off. I made the first cut... no problem. Spun the fruit a quarter turn and ... Ka CHUNK!!

My Santoku went rabid and attempted to chop my knuckle off!?! Seriously. Almost CHOPPED..IT..OFF!!

At first there was nothing. No pain. No blood. Then Holy CRAP! It hurt like a Son of a Bee-yatch. Blood was pouring forth like a burst pipe. For a moment I thought I'd hit an artery, but there are no arteries in fingers, right? It bleed through one bandage, then a second. When I finally got it wrapped sufficiently to stop making everything in site red, my first thought was "This is why Geo cringes when I wield a knife."

At least I didn't get any of my DNA in the fruit. I mean I love my girlfriends, but there are some things that just don't need to be shared.

Oh Santoku. Why you be hating on me so?

Yeah. Clearly I won't be joining the circus as a knife thrower any time soon.

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