or what bug's up your butt, Nature?
Okay, so weird shit's been going down in my beloved North East lately. Last week a wide span of land from North Carolina to New England felt the Earth rumble and roll from a 5.9 quake centered around Richmond, Virginia. Most of my friends and family near and far felt the crust busta move beneath their buttocks. The shaking even made the most jaded folks I know (the newsroom crew) take pause before quipping "I am NOT ready to rumble."
I was in my car when the Earth did not stand still, missing the uncommon occurrence. Natch. I am so bummed! One of the only times our personal terra is not so firma, and I miss it. I feel completely left out, and as you may have noticed, I don't like to be left out. I'm annoying that way.
One of the reasons I love America and the citizens residing within its borders is the speed with which the humor is rolled out after an unsettling event. Within minutes of realizing there were no deaths or injuries, the interwebs exploded with the funny, quake-related witticisms. Our collective irreverence is probably why the rest of the world dislikes us so. Okay, they hate us. We can make a joke out of virtually anything. And what the hell's wrong with that, right? Lighten up, people.
This gem circulated shortly after the shimmy 'n shake.
We're just a nation of lovable, quick-witted asshats.
Next up on the Nature Hit Parade...
|"Does this storm surge make my butt look big?"|
- Irene 2011
"no, it makes it look like an angry elephant, dude"
FACT: For the last two years, hurricane season has been downright quiet.
FACT: It's been over 50 years since the last hurricane charged through the New Jersey/New York area
FACT: Irene decided to take advantage of the back-to-school sales and stop by Fifth Avenue in person for those killer Jimmy Choo heels she's been eyeing on line.
She's a girl after all, and a thrifty one at that. Who wants to shell out all that extra dough on shipping when you can pick them up yourself, not to mention try on a number of other beauties while you're waiting. Pffft! No brainer. Besides who can resist those 50% off, end of season bargains.
Um... clearly NOT Mama Nature.
Reduced to a Category 1 storm, Irene took her good ole time crawling up the coastline, coming ashore first in North Carolina to kite surf, stopping through Baltimore to dine on some fabulous Maryland crab cakes she's heard so much talk about before heading to Northern Jersey shore points, you know, in the off-chance Bruce Springsteen might actually be hanging around the Stone Pony. Like many, she's a big fan, especially of his early Born to Run years. Alas, he was nowhere in sight. (sad tropical storm face) Strapping on her new Nikon digital SLR, she rented a car and drove over to the Big Apple (because some doofus shut down all the PATH trains and subways), excited to shop and catch the late show of the much ballyhooed Book of Mormon only to find it and every other attraction in Times Square boarded up and dark.
Son of a Biscuit Eating Bulldog!!?!!
"Do you realize how tough it was to score those tickets?!? Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu**!"
Nothing left to do but head up the coast for some fresh seafood on the cape before checking up on Sid Crosby's healing progress in Nova Scotia. She's a Pens fan, too, dontcha know.
|goofball surfers taunting irene|
where is his parent?
oh wait, he's the one on the left
|Bend and Stretch|
reach for your butt
|a couple of lone boardwalk bikers|
By far the most freakish sites were the normally crowded Manhattan landmarks completely deserted.
|when was the last time Grand Central was empty?|
|an eerily quiet Times Square at 7am Sunday|
But take heart. I just saw network footage of New York youngsters giving Irene the middle finger by body surfing on the minimally flooded streets of the city. Oh NewYorkers. Your balls... er, spirit is to be envied.
While hunting for photos, I stumbled upon a Brooklyner's blog, The Smoking Nun, which has some really fascinating photos of the desolate streets and bridges. Pretty cool. Plus, c'mon! There are pictures of Nuns...smoking. Love it! I think I might have to bookmark this one for the name alone.
You can read the two related posts here and here and the final bit here.
What the EF, Nature! Earthquakes, tornadoes, hurricanes... what horror's next? Locusts? Pestilence? A Palin presidency?
I'd rather have frogs drop from the skies.