Search This Blog

Friday, January 25, 2013

In Which I Toss Out My Principles And Willingly Throw Myself Into Goal Making 

Okay, so my friend, Steph who always has her finger on the pulse of what is interesting, hip and cool sent me a message via Facebook inviting me to participate in an exercise in which one describes ones goals for the year as broadly as possible using only three words. A link to the original blog sporting this idea is here.
I'm not a fan of resolutions. I don't relish setting myself up for failure and self-loathing. I do that enough on my own. Lord knows I don't need a piece of paper mocking me for 365 days, too. That said, I have been so conflicted on so many levels over the past six months, this exercise seems like a simple way to help me get my shit together. 

So here goes...
My words for 2013 are Simplify, Reconnect and Health

Simplify: I (and we, meaning Geo and me) need to desperately rid ourselves of the burden of too much clutter. It has become unmanageable, unhealthy and unyielding. Our inability to toss the excess crap is the source of our biggest conflict these days. We've had some truly epic knock down, drag outs over the copious amounts of crap clogging our physical and mental landscape. I even had a dream recently in which a burglar cleared out the entire contents of our first floor. Everything. The only things left were the empty CD shelves in the living room. And here's the thing, the only losses that upset me were photos and signed CDs, both of which are irreplaceable. Clearly, it's a sign from the universe to purge, purge, PURGE!

Reconnect: with George in particular. (TMI portion of this missive) My loss of libido and other events have created a chasm between us causing him to experience bouts of insecurity and self-doubt regarding our relationship. He has read my general lack of sexual interest (which completely sucks bong water big time, btw) as an indication that I'm bored with him and will eventually leave him. That's insane. He's the most important man in the world to me, yet he doesn't believe me. 

This Tornado Loves You by Neko Case on Grooveshark  "what will make you believe me?"

Much like overeating, I think his fears of my flight have fueled his need to acquire more stupid shit to gum up our house in an attempt to fill a void of some sort, bringing us back to word #1. In any case, I want to get our marriage back on track, get back on the same wavelength again and straighten this hormone shit out without estrogen therapy, because I miss my randier self. I'm researching options. 

Health: When I was 49, I was in amazing shape for me. My sudden, inexplicable weight loss and battle with PSIS joint pain left me trim, strong and at peace with my body for the first time in my life. I was happy and confident. Over the past year I've had to curtail my usual activity because of a shoulder injury. Consequently, I lost strength in my upper body, gained weight in all the wrong places and am still feeling a general sense of ennui because of it. My shoulder is better, so I'm ready to get back to an active routine. 

Maybe I'm kidding myself with this whole three-word goal thing. Lord knows I have the attention span of a Kardashian, but I'm willing to give whatever passes for a try on my part. I've gotten off to a decent start on #1 by tackling one small project a week--cleaning out a closet, clearing the pantry, packing up dishes for my niece, Regi's eventual apartment. My goal right now is to continue along this vein. Geo put my erg back together this week so I can start out slowly and test-drive my shoulder motion, so #3 may actually get moving along, too. 
As for #2...Geo is my true north, my light, my reason for being. My life would be nothing without him in it. All I can do is tell him I love him... and help him clean out his crap.  

No comments: