Noshing With An Old Chum 

or oh my, look at the time...

Okay, so I had lunch the other afternoon with my best friend from college. He actually was my first friend at PP College. We met eons ago in July of 1979 standing in a long line at orientation. You do the math. All I know is I've known him longer than I haven't. It's curious when you realize you've known someone so long, you can't remember when they weren't around.

I remember he was about six inches shorter than me and looked like he was about 15 years old. He sorta insinuated himself into my conversation, but he was so entertaining we ended up having lunch together. He wrote me the funniest letters all summer. They were hilarious. I still have them...somewhere in the wreckage I call my home. When we caught up with each other again in September, I almost didn't recognize him. He'd grown at least seven inches and was now able to look me square in the eye.

Anyway, we started talking about how we don't feel old mentally, but have developed old-person syndrome crap like my crazy-crunchy lower back issue and his need for Lipitor. I'm going to start calling him Mean Old Mr. Wilson though, because he does absurd things now like argue at length with the teenaged video store clerk about why the original version of Goodbye Mr. Chips is filed in the musical section when it clearly is not a musical. Duh.

Best Friend From College: Do you realize this is not a musical?

Teen Video Dude: Wha?

BFFC: This is not a musical, but it's labelled a musical. This should be in the drama section.

TVD: So.

BFFC: You need to change the label so it doesn't get filed back with the musicals.

TVD: --?

BFFC: No one will be able to find it if it's in musicals.

TVD: They're labeled by the corporate office.

BFFC: So change it.

TVD: They're labeled by the corporate office.

BFFC: But it's incorrect.

TVD: (pause) Are you going to rent it?

BFFC: Well..no.

OMG. Ha Ha Ha! What the eff? When did this happen?

He kills me. Pretty soon he's going to be yelling "Hey you kids. get outta my yard!", firing off angry letters to cereal companies, wearing funny hats and hiking his pants up to his armpits.

Oh-Oh... Too late.

I kid, my friend. I kid because I love.

Friday Photo #8

kissing off '08... or Sayonara Sucker!! 

Taking a photo of us flipping off the old year has been a tradition since college. I don't know how or why it began (excessive alcohol consumption was a huge factor, natch), but it certainly has stuck. There's something so completely satisfying about that singular action. It appeals to the cave woman in me. And this year it is particularly satisfying as we all get to say "hit the road" to that fecal-flinging, monkey-twatter, W. Don't let the door kick you in the ass on your way out, jagoff.

So, FU 2008. Welcome 2009. Here's wishing us all better days.

Setting Yourself Up For Failure

or how I resolve to avoid the sticky web of resolutions this year...

Okay, so I was never big on resolutions. Very few are ever kept past...I don't know... January 3rd and it just seems like another soulless, societally dictated action whose entire purpose is intended to make you feel like a total loser by the end of the year since you haven't accomplished SQUAT except the realization that you're just one huge Asshat.

Ooo...I like that word, "asshat". That word reminds me of this guy at work who uses the term "like ass" to describe pretty much anything that is vile and disgusting. You know, like, "OMG! That smells like ASS!" or "Wow...that tastes like ASS." or "That show sucked like ASS." which doesn't even make sense, but..whatever. The question remains, exactly how much ass has he smelled or sampled to make him such an expert? No, wait. Don't reeeeeeally want to know. Really. No thank you.

Moving on...

So this year instead of making a list of serious resolutions I should actually keep, I'm choosing to make a list of resolutions I have no chance in Hell of keeping. Sort of a reverse psychology resolution list. This way at the end of the year my lack of ambition will actually be an accomplishment for which I can take pride. Get it? It's kinda like that game "I Never" we used to play at parties. You make a declaration that is actually true, but you put the phrase "I Never" before it and everyone else has to raise their hand if they also did the same stupid thing, and then take a drink. (of course it was a drinking game. we were in our 20s. sha!) For example, someone might say "I never smoked pot" or "I never threw up on your shoes" or "I never motorboated your girlfriend's naked breasts while you were passed out on the couch" ...and that's when the fistfight would start...and the party would be over.

So here goes. I "resolve" to...

1. stop swearing in f*cking general, and at work in f*cking particular.

2. stop using the phrase "that's what she said"

3. stop buying shoes

4. pay a bit more attention at work (well, okay, this one I probably should actually do)

5. stop chewing my lip and/or nails

6. stop using the phrase "in your pants" after titles (i.e. Big Bang Theory... in your pants)

7. start acting more lady like (snort! yeah, right! who would recognize me?)

8. write more entertaining blogs

9. end the dirty talk with my co-workers

and finally...

10. quit obsessing over my fantasy husband, Rhett Miller AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! SNORT!

I couldn't even keep a straight face for that one. Like that would EVER happen without the aid of a twelve-step program! Pa-Lease!!?!

Anyway, best wishes to all for an economically upturned, top-shelf liquor laced, resolution free new year filled with more of the folks you love and adore and far less of those who give you shit.

And just because it's the end of the year and I can, here's one of my favorite tunes from the Rhett concert at Hoboken. So bite me.

Bits And Pieces  

or random thoughts from an untidy mind 

Non-Sequitur #1:

Okay, so over the last week, several of my work friends have been saying all these nice things to me...about me. You know things like how much they appreciate my sense of humor, how they admire the way I relate to my co-workers and make our PTL guests feel at home, how I'm "always upbeat and fun to be around"...

Seriously. 

Like just today I had lunch with a bud who's hoping to retire early next year. He wanted me to know how much he appreciated all I'd done for him and how much he enjoyed working with me. 

While it's always lovely to know people care about you and don't think you suck to be around, I have to wonder...do I have a brain tumor (or as Arnold Schwarzenegger would say...tumah) or some other such ailment I don't know about? Really. What's up with this?

Non-Sequitur #2:

Okay, so let me start out by saying I'm not a buxom lass. Pretty average, truth be told. Anyway, we have this medicine cabinet with two doors, the larger of which is three times the size of the smaller one. I open this larger door at least...I don't know...seven times a day. Last night when I went to close the door, it was like my right boob suddenly became possessed by Pam Anderson's plastic surgeon, magically expanded to twice its size and leapt forward to get caught in the door. 

Damn!?

Kinda like one of those squeezy stress toys where the eyes pop out, except it was a mammary magnification. Weird. 

Non-Sequitur #3:

So I was reading FU, Penguin yesterday, opened the comments and stumbled upon an entry from another blogger FU, FU Penguin. It's a blog where the animals pictured in the original FU, Penguin trash talk back. You can check it out here. You may also notice it is a new listing on my sidebar. Naturally, I fell in love with this site and became a follower...because excessive  swearing and absurdity is apparently how I roll these days. 

Checking out the list of nine followers on FU, FU Penguin, I stumbled upon a blogger whose name piqued my interest, Hey Lola. Turns out she's a pretty hilarious and clever writer. Hey, anyone who's subtitle is "It's just chaos" has got to be fun, right? Well, she is. I'm following her, too. You can find her in the sidebar as well. 

You know, between Hey Lola, Hola Isabel and Innocent Bystander, I'm starting to feel pretty inadequate in this whole blogging arena. Perhaps I should stop searching out better bloggers before I end up in the corner, tucked in a fetal position, rocking myself back and forth crying out for the comfort of my blue blankey. As someone's boozy Mom might say, "Oh Honey! Pull down your skirt. Your insecurity is showing." 

Ah, but then again, who the hell reads this shit anyway.

Friday Photo #7 

or what's on top of your tree?

Every year my Card Club pals and I exchange hideous crap in a Yankee Swap. This beauty has been passed  around for years. After much liquor, merriment and mayhem at this year's soiree, we decided to leave our mark on our host, Duckie's Christmas tree. Kinda makes you in want to sing Silver Bells doesn't it?

Severed Head...

Severed Head...

Staring at me from my tree top.

Oh My God! Who's the knob?

You've ruined my Christmas day.

Tis The Season

in which I reflect on the blessings in my life

2008 started off inauspiciously.

Geo, my love, found himself on the receiving end of pink slip. His studio decided to downsize, and without warning we went from DINKs to SINKs. Unlike other times, however, he received a severance package as well as unemployment. Shocked by the sudden down turn in our fortune and a little depressed, he was still able to restart his free lance business, keep our coffers afloat and spend some quality time with me. We even got to go away to New York for his birthday in the Spring.

He has since been hired by a another graphics firm. I'm happy to say they love him and treat him very well indeed. It's nice to see him get the respect he deserves. His spirit is a lot lighter these days. What was at first perceived as a hardship has turned out to be a huge blessing and the cosmic kick in the ass he needed to move forward.

Our families are healthy and doing well. We had a scare with my brother-in-law this year. At first it looked like he may have a cancerous tumor in his lung, but miraculously the spot disappeared. The kids in our family are thriving in college and growing up nicely. My Mom, Big Mar is still kicking around at the ripe old age of 87. She's slowing a bit, but her mind is still sharp. She and her girlfriends still get together for cards every month. Now if we could only get her to wear her hearing aid....

We got to spend a lot of quality time with our friends this year. Our buds Doug and Bill both turned 50 this year. We were lucky enough to celebrate this milestone with each of them. Doug's wife threw a great party for him in February. 

Bill's was celebrated on the golf course at Seven Springs in September. Apparently 50-year-old white men can still jump :D

Old friends returned from living abroad to settle in as our neighbors. Now most of my favorite people live within walking distance. I even got to reconnect with an old friend, Nancy, who I haven't seen in nearly 30 years. It was as though we were never apart.

Our social life was completely filled with monthly wine tastings, baseball games, hockey games, dinners, weekends away with the gals, Broadway plays, Arts Festivals, neighborhood bar crawls, dinner and cocktails on the deck and lots and lots of music.

We got to spend another memorable evening at a house concert with the incomparable Francis Dunnery...

and cultivated a renewed interest in Old 97's from their free summer concert performance which grew into a full-on obsession (okay, only I obsess) by the time they returned in October (chronicled here, if you care to subject yourself to my frenzy), and capped it off with a spectacular Rhett Miller solo gig in Hoboken (a Christmas present to myself).

And I finally got off my lazy ass and started writing a blog. 

I was kinda nervous about putting my writings out there for public consumption, you know, because I might really, really suck at it. But I have to say I'm enjoying the process immensely. I appreciate all the support from my friends and family who read this daily or just from time to time. And for the two or three readers who have no personal connection to me, thanks. I hope to continue to earn your following. 

But by far my biggest blessing this year (and every other year) is Geo's presence in my life. His irrefutable love, support and encouragement is what propels me forward, keeps me on track and makes life on this crazy blue planet worthwhile. 

May your Christmas be filled with the love and laughter of family and friends. 

What Do You Get The Person With Everything?

Pete's delicious Schweddy Balls, of course! 

It's Christmas Eve. Enjoy this SNL classic. I never get tired of this! (Sorry about the advert at the top.)