dishing about life over cocktails and chocolaty goodness...yum
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Thursday, June 30, 2011
Dear Fox News: Just Give Up Already
When will Fox News learn that Jon Stewart is smarter than them? The barely fair and completely unbalanced "news" organization has been dicking with Stewart for years and have always come away bruised and stammering. But God love their pointy little crazy heads, they keep drawing first blood.
Clearly they are slow learners.
Behold, the brilliance of the most trusted person on the boob tube.
Friday Video: because it's too funny not to watch again.
Okay, so some wealthy Mom paid a ton of money so her 13 year old daughter could do an inane music video for her birthday. It's horrible, spawned this hilarious parody by Jimmy Fallon and Stephen Colbert. It makes me laugh every time I watch it.
Okay, so Geo and I went to a family graduation party up North at his cousin's farm. It's a gorgeous, wide open expanse perched on the crest of a hill under a big sky overlooking a neighboring farm. Ken was an organic farmer long before it became all the rage. He took a leap of faith almost 20 years ago, quit his day job and devoted his life to agriculture. He and Kathy grow gobs of produce and harvest eggs from their gazillion chickens... who really funked up the atmosphere around our Corn Hole challenge.
chicks taking in the Corn Hole contest
while simultaneously "fowling" up
the ozone (I know. groan)
Here's the thing, as much as I appreciate the simplistic beauty of bucolic life and am grateful to those who dedicate their lives to feeding others through their perpetual daily labor, I am and always shall be an urban suburbanite. I like the fact our neighbors are within reach. I like being able to walk to restaurants and shops. I like being ten minutes away from the city and all it's wonderful cultural amenities.
Visiting the family's pastoral homestead or Beets north 40 spread is like taking a welcomed mini respite to commune with nature, but after an afternoon I itch for my urban dwelling. Literally. My head itches from all the bugs and shit.
My name is Murray and I am a city girl through and through.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Late Late Night Shenanigans
or the irresistible silliness of Craig Ferguson
Okay, so let me just say how much I love Craig Ferguson. His sharp wit and completely irreverent sense of humor is right up my proverbial alley. And then there's his delicious Scottish brogue that makes the utterance of any off-color, dihrrrty words charming.
To me, one of the funniest things to watch is a performer succumbing to a completely ridiculous moment, breaking down into uncontrollable laughter. It's contagious and endearing and funny as hell. Mere mortals can't help but get swept up in its tide. My favorite moments in the Carol Burnet show were when Tim Conway finally made Harvey Corman break down in front of that live audience. Genius.
Back in May, Ferguson and his animatron sidekick, Geoff Peterson, had an unscripted encounter that left Ferguson crying from laughter within the first 20 minutes of the show. The first half of his show is some of the funniest, zaniest stuff on the boob tube, but it's on so late for me it may as well be broadcast on Mars. A friend at work shared this clip with me. Enjoy!
Geoff you magnificent mechanical bastard! It almost makes me wish I worked overnights. Almost. C'mon. I'm not that nuts, yo.
BALLS
Friday, June 17, 2011
Friday Video
In Which Sometimes The Wisest Words Come From The Funniest People
Okay, so Conan O'Brien was chosen to present the commencement address to this year's graduating class of Dartmouth University. As expected, he dispensed heaps of humor, teased the President of the College by referring to him as "Stinky Pete" and took digs at Jay Leno.
What wasn't expected was the uncharted depth, dignity and profundity by which he concluded his remarks. His retelling of his journey over the last two turbulent years of his life and career is some of the best advice ever bestowed upon any graduates or human beings, for that matter.
"It is our failure to become our perceived ideal that ultimately defines us and makes us unique. It's not easy, but if you accept your misfortune and handle it right, your perceived failure can become a catalyst for profound reinvention."
"Whether you fear it (failure) or not, disappointment will come. The beauty is that through disappointment, you can gain clarity, and through clarity comes conviction and true originality."
"I'd like to end my address by breaking a taboo by quoting myself from 17 months ago. At the end of my final program with NBC, just before signing off I said work hard, be kind and amazing things will happen."
Sound advice for all of us.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Random Crap N'at
or what the Hell, Eric?
Okay, so today has been a weird yin and yang sort of day. My morning started off with the most welcomed and unexpected of news... then it all went to shit. I went from euphoria to literal bloodshed in a matter of hours. Leading Yang by 3-1, Yin was kicking my bony ass all up and down the GD street.
F*cking bitch.
And for the record, I kinda resent the notion that Yin (negative) is female while Yang (positive) is male. What the hell is that shit about? Just another piece of misogynistic bull from a male dominated, backward society. I'm looking at you, China. You can shove that notion square up your butt while you're playing with your doodle.
Speaking of doodle players...
So long, Schlong!
Anthony Weiner has decided to beat it. After a lengthy amount of pressure, he released himself...of his duties. Puns most certainly intended. Henceforth some actual quotes from a press release:
Observers noted the decision had to have been extremely hard for Weiner...
"if Mr. Weiner is resigning I think he ultimately handled it well..."
It's too bad he was such an asshat, because honestly he was a good Congressman. Alas, the hubris of powerful men is their ultimate downfall. Frankly, I shall miss all the Weiner talk.
one of the many suggested Post headlines
I can't wait to see the real headline in tomorrow's Post. Could it be "Weiner OUT!"
Vancouver, what the ef?!?
So the Canucks lose the Stanley Cup last night and Jeesy Creazy, all Holy Hell breaks out. They're looting, flipping cars, burning buildings...
Who do they think they are, WVU? Who knew this lovely Canadian town could throw down and be so... Detroit. Since when did Canada become all gansta? It's like opposite day north of the border. Next thing you know they'll be wearing their tukes all sideways, blasting Gordon Lightfoot in their cars and jacking people for Molsons.
When the police show up in full riot gear, you expect people to flee, right? Most do, but not everyone...
this looks like a comfy spot to make out
"I love the way the flickering flames reflect in your eyes..."
Everybody has their own particular aphrodisiac. Clearly this couple's is mayhem, men in uniform and the pungent aroma of gasoline-fueled torchings. "You had me a flaming Volvo..." (that would be a great name for a band, don't ya think?) Thank God that chippie remembered to wear undies. Just sayin'.
I Wonder If She Likes Cats?
Maybe just a little. I can't imagine why she's still single. File this in the Thank-God-I'm-Married column.
And finally...
The greatest Mother F***in' kid's book written, read by the baddest Mother F***in' actor, Samuel L. Jackson.
That should scare the little bastards to sleep.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
In Which There Is NOTHING Like Seventh Game Stanley Cup Hockey
(even when your team isn't involved)
Tonight is the seventh game of the 2011 Stanley Cup finals between Boston and Vancouver. Boston hasn't won in 39 years, Vancouver has never won in its 41 year history.
I'm a bit torn about who to root for. On the plus side, Boston has 43 year old former Pens legend, Mark Recchi who's already scored six goals in the series, three of them in game six!! I mean, come on! He was a Pen AND he's an old guy who can still score against the youngsters. I love Recchi. All of Pittsburgh loves Mark Recchi, but he plays for Boston, so, you know, no thanks. Besides I'm a ginormous sucker for an underdog, especially one who's never ever felt the pure elation of hoisting that marvelous trophy after a hard fought victory.
So Vancouver it is.
Plus they're so darn nice. Seriously. And they have the BEST national anthem.
I love America, warts and all. Our national anthem...not so much. Don't get me wrong, The Star Spangled Banner chokes me up with pride and emotion every time I hear it, especially when an entire arena of citizens is singing in unison.
But it's about a stupid battle set to an impossible-to-sing tune. O Canada, on the other hand, is a far superior, easily singable anthem about defense, duty and devotion to country. And it sounds amazing when sung en masse.
I can't help but join in. One of these days I'm going to learn it in French.
As I write this bloggity blah blog, the Canucks are down 3-0 with their first power play of evening ending in a shorthanded goal for Boston. They're killing me! Come on, Canucks!! Win this puppy at home.
