Trick or Tweets 

or I think this new techno crap is going to make my  head explode  

Today I had this overwhelming sense of ... overwhelming. 

Seriously. My entire drive home I felt a pressure enveloping my entire being along with a sense of ennui bordering on depression. You know what it was from? Technology. Mainly the technology of excessive connectivity through Facebook, MySpace and especially Twitter. 

Seems like it's not good enough to just hang with coworkers, friends and family anymore. Now you have to make a connection with every person on this bloody blue planet!?!! And if you aren't spending every waking moment sitting your fat ass down in front of the computer tweeting or updating your status on that mocking bar from Facebook, you're just a big fat loser. Even though sitting in front of your computer every waking moment tweeting and facebooking and blogging about insipid shit without actually getting out and living your life is the very definition of a big loser. (Hey wait a minute... I resemble that last bit. Aaaaaaa!!)

Like today at work, I logged onto Twitter--okay I really shouldn't be doing this at work, but the boss was away so I had some time to kill in between duties, don't judge me--because I was going to cancel it since I really don't understand this 140 character blurbing thing. I mean, come on. Nobody cares if I had cereal or monkey balls for breakfast. Seriously. Most people's entries are deadly dull and mundane to the point of making others wish for the sweet release of death. 

That said, I signed on originally out of curiosity and to follow this interesting woman, Cindy Royal, who is really into the music scene in Austin. We've been talking about heading to Austin 

next year for the SXSW festival and she's imparted some very helpful advice. She's actually really cool, and has totally embraced the whole tuned-in-through-technology lifestyle. I don't know how she finds time for everything...she teaches at the large local college, interviews musicians for a Texas music mag, goes to clubs multiple times a week, blogs about the local music scene (including videos), is on Twitter a LOT and will be podcasting interviews all throughout SXSW. And she's like my age, which makes me feel old and Jurassic and want to eat infants and Super Heros. 

Next thing you know, I'm finding notable folks in which I'm actually interested. Pete Yorn, YA author John Green, Germaine from Flight of the Conchords, Stephen Colbert and then I see it... the divine Rhett Miller! And he replied to me...

Oh Man! I can feel myself being sucked into the vortex. 

And that's when my soul imploded. 

The overwhelming weight of constant communication was too great for my little bone structure. I had this horrible thought... Is my life so empty I need to frantically run through the interweb, arms akimbo, so as not to "miss out" on anything? Do I not have a wonderfully witty and fulfilling social network right here, within arms length?  

Sure it's easy (especially on Twitter) to start to believe your little suburban, nine-to-five life sucks because your not out there doing cool shit and hanging with celebrities like a witty author, or a huge television personality or a totally hot rock star. 

That's the time to take a deep breath, step away from the computer and phone somebody real in your life. Hopefully they won't be too busy "tweeting" to answer.