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Thursday, May 14, 2009

The Amazing Bonding Power of Dirty Talk 
or how to melt the ice-storm of moody people 

Okay, so I was relegated to the afternoon shift this week through no choice of my own. The Universe conspired against me just to punk me for its own amusement, but I'm not bitter. 

Well not much anyway. 

Anywho, even though I did NOT dig the hours I have to admit it was nice to work with folks I haven't seen for a long time. It was great to be with my dear friends Jude, K-Schnikes, Zippy, Mrs. Zippy (not to be confused with Miss Issippi), Joey and the night side talent. They were all so sweet and welcoming--like a big warm, fuzzy, Snuggie hug. Not to mention there were lots of actual big, warm hugs, to boot. You know what a huge hug whore I am. I felt like the proverbial Prodigal Child. 

The talent were (was?) refreshingly animated and fun, too. Even the one Dude who usually is a royal TOOL was jovial and joking around. There's one anchor in particular...let's call him Guy Smiley, who's let's say ... a bit moody. He's one of those types of people for which you have to lick your finger and hold it up to test which way the wind's blowing that day. Sometimes he's happy and upbeat. Sometimes he's quiet and introspective, hanging out his "Do Not Disturb" sign. 

It's not a slam. It's not a criticism. It's just a fact. 

One cannot take his demeanor personally. His mood shifts happen with everyone. He's a really terrific guy. I'm not kidding. He's one of those extremely sharp, witty, creative people who, sadly, is not allowed any outlet at work for his abundant skills. Plus, I really respect how he stays out of all the gossip and backbiting that's prevalent in any newsroom. 

So, seems I may have stumbled upon the secret to cracking the crusty outer shell of Mr. Smiley. Turns out he's a big fan of the dirty-name game and off-color, that's-what-she-said kinda humor. 

Who knew? 

The ice breaker was me sharing our (and by "our" I mean me and Beets) latest dirty names, Howie Felthersnatch and his girlfriend Erin McCooter. He roared. He absolutely ROARED with laughter. Then he proceeded to introduce me to his Greek fishing tycoon friend, Harry Pairatestes and his lovely wife Fonda Peters. 

At that point he launched into a joke which was generously sprinkled with the f-bomb. 

(Dude, I swear I have NEVER heard him say that satisfying swear...EVER. And I've known him for over 15 years!)

Again, who knew?

Always up to share a good guffaw, I spouted off my two favorites:

What do you have if you have nuts on a wall? Walnuts
What do you have if you have nuts on a chest? Chestnuts
What do you have if you have nuts on your chin? 
A d*ck in your mouth.

What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?

You know, I've never written that out before. How does one spell one gagging on a trouser snake?

Anyway the atmosphere was lightened in the studio for three days thanks to the irresistible power of off-colored humor. Even the Tool joined in the fun by using a suggestive gesture after this sound bite crossed the airwaves:

"There was nothing left for us to do except pull out our jugs..."

That's what she said.


chad said...

uuuuhhhhmmmmmm nice one love it..

Anonymous said...

New favorite dirty joke, from Rolling Stone:

Salesman knocks at the door, and this young boy, like 11 or 12 answers, wearing high heels, a bra, panties, smoking a cigarette, and holding a martini. The salesman goes, "Ahh...excuse me, son, but are your mother or father at home?" And the kid goes "What the fuck do you think?"

Murray said...

AHAhahahahahaha!! That is GREAT! That is so going into my joke bag. Thanks, MK.