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Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Some People's Kids
or some hilarious tales of the tots

Okay, so George and I weren't able to have our own kids. As you may know, it's absolutely the only thing in my life I regret.

It sucks.

You can read all about my whining, belly aching and crying in my proverbial beer here. (P.S.: Isabel is pregnant again! Here's hoping she carries to term. And Jimmy are the sweetest thing, my friend. Thank you. Same for you Jenna.)

That said, I love hearing other parent's tales of their tots and stealing, BORROWING those charming chestnuts for blogger fodder. Two such anecdotes come from our morning anchor team who have eight children between them.

Yes. Eight. Children.

How lucky are they. Anywho, they've related a couple of gems surrounding their kids which I'd like to share here.

Boogie Down, BABY!!

So one day Jen, who has four boys and a lone girl ranging from 12-5 years of age, finally found a proper fitting bra and gutchies. For a girl this is HUGE. Am I right, ladies? Seriously. It's humiliating to try on bra after bra after bra in a cramped room under the sickly, greenish glow of a half-lit florescent light in front of a fun-house-fatty mirror where every bulge, blemish and Crypt-Keeper crease slaps you in the face like a cartoon iron skillet. It's a harsh world in the Devil's dressing room. So, you know, it's damned exciting when you find a perfect fit. It's like winning the lottery. A cottony soft to the touch lottery.

Moving on...

Jen was so excited about her purchase, she wanted to share her excitement with her seven year old daughter, Grace. Dressed in only her lovely lingerie, she ran to model for her baby girl, to which Grace in not-so-mock revolt exclaimed, "Oh, Mom! Stop it. You're making me sick!!"

Not to be deterred, Jen decided to gauge the other kiddoes reactions. Why, you may ask. Why parade around in your panties before the males of the household? ...Why not?

Next, #3 son gagged in horror, #2 son gasped-then paused and gave her a big thumbs up "Hey, you're looking good, Mom." (#2 son is totally destined to be the lady-killer of the family) #1 son demanded an air gun as restitution for being permanently scarred by her scantily clad presence.

Finally, she reached the living room where her husband and youngest son (a five year old) were sorting laundry. She burst into the room, dancing in her brand-spanking-new unmentionables. Her husband groaned and shook his head. The little nipper looked up, blinked, jumped to his feet, whipped off his pants revealing his uber stylin' Sponge Bob BVDs and started to dance right alongside her!!

Woooo Hooo! Underoo Dance Par-tay!


I LOVE this kid!! He is so going to be the toga wearing, table dancing, life of the party in college. Just sayin'.

Pants On The Ground

This one comes from our Morning Male Man, Rick. He and his family--he has three boys--were eating dinner out when the youngest, who was two at the time, needed to use the restroom. His six year old brother offered to do the honors.

So off they go to the men's room. A little while later the six year old returns to the table...sans two year old. Before they could question the youngster, the toddler emerges doing the penguin walk with his pants on the ground, Mr. Happy waving to the waitstaff, arms outstretched, declaring "HEY! A little help here!?!"

HAHA! You gotta love two-year-olds. They are completely unfiltered... and adorable.

Stories like these just warm my cold, crusty heart and make me snort. Some people's kids are hilarious!

1 comment:

demoncat said...

Bet the staff will never forget the sight of the two year old walking with his pants down. as for the mother in the first story at least she was not modest and also has something she can use to embarases her kid in the future