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Thursday, September 23, 2010

Mother Nature 1, Modern Family 0 
or getting spanked during premiere week

Okay, so yesterday afternoon we had a Mother of storm blow through these parts. It was huge. It was loud. It was destructive. We were one flying cow away from Munchkin land, and I'm not talking about Dunkin's delectable dipping treats either. I don't think it was a twister, but it certainly had its own crazy, cataclysmic charm.


Anywho, I was at my Kawfee Klatch friend, Heidi's when Armageddon struck. When it was all said and done thirty minutes later, the sky was clear, the sun was out and so was that modern marvel, electricity. That's right... no power, no air conditioning, no ICE for my COCKTAIL!?!??!!

How much hardship can one woman endure?
And just like that...the sky was calm 

Trees were downed everywhere, blocking roads, severing power lines... stopping by for dinner.
Can you imagine strolling home and finding you now have a family of squirrels chilling in your living room smoking your Cohibas and downing your Scotch. How bad does it suck to be this guy?
How does a 30 foot tree topple at the roots anyway? I know where there will be lots of firewood this winter.

The beauty of being human is the ability to find the humor in harsh events. Stepping out of her front door, Heidi and I came upon this tableau.
please make the spinning stop

This reminded me of many a morning-after in college when the imbibing took on a life of its own, resulting in a huge technicolor yawn into the porcelain God. In this case the storm was so dizzying, even the motel chair fell ill, praying to the plastic chair God. Ha Ha!!

Besides copious amounts of debris strewn in the lawn, the only casualty at our place was this. Thankfully someone had the decency to respectfully pull a cover over the lifeless body.

RIP my loyal Pee Wee Herman bike.

You know you never realize how much you take electricity for granted until you're literally left in the dark, futilely flipping light switches, checking for the time on a silenced cable box and reaching for the microwave door to make popcorn. I mean, come on! Heidi and I had to open the garage door manually!?! What are we, Pilgrims?!?

Have you ever tried to eat dinner by very dim candlelight?'s WEIRD! I mean I knew what was in my bowl, but I couldn't shake the Fear Factor feeling that at any moment I would bite into some slithering, slimy garden dweller.


Thank Bacchus we had a tasty Merlot to wash it down and soothe the soul.

Then to top it off, it's season premiere week and we were missing Modern Family AND Cougar Town. I LOVE those shows. Geo and I were forced to actually *gasp* talk to each other without the usual distractions of newspapers, computers, iPods or the blessed boob tube.

I know. Crazy right?

Okay, so the talking part was pretty sweet. But yeah, that only lasted until about 9:30 when, in keeping with our new Quaker life style, we packed it in for the evening because --news flash-- living in "simpler times" is fucking BORING, Dawg!!

Goodie Proctor I ain't. Who can live at that negative speed? Not me. So don't think I'll be putting on that stupid bonnet or churning butter anytime soon.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go hug my electronics one by one.

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