Oh When The Suits, Coming Marching In 
or the Mother Ship pays a visit

Okay, so last week the latest Corporate suit came to town to "assess" the Special K. Naturally his pending arrival got our management's knickers in a major twist. The flurry of be-perfect-for-once-in-your-petty-life-or-face-penalty-of-death-and-for-God's-sake-wear-some-pants emails were so effective at setting us all straight, because, you know, we dunderheaded union types are blithering idiots with no work ethic who just sit on our collective-bargaining fat asses, shoving coffee and cake down our gullets while we phone it in every day.

Okay, we do eat a lot of cake. Whatever.

Anywho, we techies were kinda excited about Senor Suit's arrival. Clearly he will see the sorry state of our sub-broadcast quality equipment affairs as well as the wretched condition of our physical plant and put in a call for added funds. As luck would have it, a key piece of equipment used for every single newscast that hasn't worked properly since it was forced upon us four years ago, crapped out in magnificent fashion.

GREAT!!!

Timing is everything, right? Surely he'll be horrified to witness the impossible hoops we jump through daily due to the lack of professional-grade resources provided us by short-sighted budgetary cut backs. His visit could be the answer to some of our prayers. He'll be outraged.

Oh, he was outraged alright. Outraged that there was, wait for it...

NO WI-FI!!!???!!!!!!!!!!

No Wi-Fi in our offices? Good God, Man!! What are we, Cavemen?!? That's madness, I say. Utter Madness.

While we, the worker bees continue to languish and limp along with antiquated, circa 1995 technology, rest assured, The Great and Powerful Ozzie shall have his Wi-Fi the next time he visits.

Because CBS cares, dammit!