The Big Madonna Gun Controversy

and no, I'm not talking about weapons

Okay, so I open up a new page on Safari, and on Netscape's home page there's this big ole to-do about Madonna's arms. "Has she gone too far?" the headline reads.

YIKES!! I'd say, yes. WTF?!

You know the older she's gotten--with all the tightening of her face and the hollowing of her cheeks--the more she's started to look like Waylon Flowers' puppet, Madame. You remember them?

Or maybe it's Mrs. Chancellor from The Young and the Restless.

Either way. DAMN! Get a grip, Madge. You're almost 51. It ain't the end of the world. Give them guns a rest. And eat a hoagie while you're at it.

KA-CHUNK!!!!

or why I'll never be a successful knife thrower in the circus

Okay, so I'll admit it. I have a love/hate affair going on with my Santoku knife.

It is hands down (no pun intended) the GREATEST knife on this entire blue planet! Seriously. It's the only knife anyone ever needs. It's completely flat on the bottom so you can effortlessly chop through a line of veggies in no time flat. It makes cutting food a true joy. Look at how pretty it is. I LOVE IT!!

It also has a tendency to attack me.

No shit. I have more than one scar on my hand to attest to the occasional evil nature of my beloved blade.

Case in point... let us revisit last night, shall we. I had spiral cut a pineapple using a handy-dandy pineapple spiral cutting thingie to take along to Girl Fest at the Lake* this weekend. (This is a trip to Lake Erie me and my card club gal pals take every July. Loads of sun, fun and various alcoholic endeavors. Hey, we're girls...it's what we do.) As is illustrated in the photo, one is left with all the pineapple hugging the corer thingie in need of cutting off. I made the first cut... no problem. Spun the fruit a quarter turn and ... Ka CHUNK!!

My Santoku went rabid and attempted to chop my knuckle off!?! Seriously. Almost CHOPPED..IT..OFF!!

At first there was nothing. No pain. No blood. Then Holy CRAP! It hurt like a Son of a Bee-yatch. Blood was pouring forth like a burst pipe. For a moment I thought I'd hit an artery, but there are no arteries in fingers, right? It bleed through one bandage, then a second. When I finally got it wrapped sufficiently to stop making everything in site red, my first thought was "This is why Geo cringes when I wield a knife."

At least I didn't get any of my DNA in the fruit. I mean I love my girlfriends, but there are some things that just don't need to be shared.

Oh Santoku. Why you be hating on me so?

Yeah. Clearly I won't be joining the circus as a knife thrower any time soon.

Rhett on WAGA

This tour is taking it's toll on his voice. Still he gives it his all.

Yeah...I love him.

What's In Your Mole Skin?

or random tidbits from a fractured mind committed to scraps of paper scattered around the room, in pockets, in books...

Okay, so I'll admit I'm not the best housekeeper..HAHAHahahaha!! Even I couldn't say that with a straight face.

I am the WORST housekeeper. For real. I...HATE...TO...CLEAN!! Now that's not to say I don't like a clean house. I do. I just stink at the actual act of sanitizing. I can alwaysalwaysALWAYS find an excuse to get out of the tedious task.

That said...

I was cleaning our bedroom (yeah, how about that?) when I ran across all of these little strips of paper with random thoughts, observations and ideas for this here blog or my facebook/twitter status. The worst is when I'm in the car. I scribble all sorts of things... band names, new songs, vacation ideas...on whatever writing receptacle may be at hand. Odd how I seem to get the most inspiration while driving and unable to write things at length, because of the whole having-to-pay-attention-to-the-road thing. In classic Murray fashion, I put them on my dresser to wither and die a long, painful death without using their inspiring words in an attempt to entertain.

Some of them are actually amusing. Let's take a look-see at the pile o' scraps...

First up: Sodomy J. Balltickle

Ah, yes. That was a fantastic made-up bawdy name uttered by Jon Stewart about ... oh, six months ago!?! (You see how I keep things? It's an illness in need of a 12-step program)

Moving on:

Here's a sheet with four completely unrelated scribbles.

A list of the four words in the English language ending in "dous". Do you know what they are? Here's a hint: one of them is hazardous.

Metafilter.com and CocktailsandCocks.com (which I actually did talk about, I believe. Website K-Schnikes recommended.)

But wait, there's more on this sheet: SXSW (3/12-21) Music Badge $550 thru 9/26

And lastly, a note about writing about all my scraps of paper, etc...fittingly scribbled on this scrap of paper.

*Pineapple sage ? (I guess I saw it in someone's garden. Don't know if I want it for ours or...what.)

Don Tetto (Columbian on Myspace) and Birds on Wales* (I believe these are bands from this year's SXSW found on a blog which I found interesting at the time. Have I looked them up on MySpace...NO!)

Salim Nourallah "Constellation" new CD "So Down" "The World is Full of People" (The fabulous producer of Rhett's latest has music of his own worth a listen. Have I purchased them on iTunes...again, NO!)

Criminal Mimes Cerebral Flatulence Beer Bong Buoy ?? (Oh wait! A guy at work gave me these for my list of punk-rock band names, which I haven't added to the list. go figure.)

A sad note about my elderly neighbor who passed away. Aw. I'm going to have to actually write about that later.

Two Twitter Very Short Story ideas:

1. The interviewer asked "Where do you see yourself in 5 yrs?" The Reaper raised his boney finger to his chin, paused and said "Management".

2. The Career Counselor said, "So..your job just isn't satisfying anymore." Across the table the Reaper nodded.

The Weiner family: Peter, Fonda, Ivana, Ima, Iva, Harry and Eaton

And lastly:

"They're so fat, they won't stay wrapped... We're not talking about our waitresses." (An actual conversation in reference to a ginormous sandwich wrap we bought at the cafeteria. Thought that would make a great slogan for sub shop.)

This plethora of posthumous papyrus brings me to my next point. You may have picked up on the fact I belly ache about stupid crap. My latest being a lament about never having paper around when I need it. Enter Geo, my lovely, pragmatic and ever loving, patient hubby with a solution. A Mole Skin notebook made famous by the likes of Ernest Hemingway and other notable authors.

Excellent!

It's small enough to carry in my purse allowing me to jot at will anytime, anywhere keeping my ideas corralled in one place between the covers of its lovely leather binding. So...is this successful? Let's see what's in my Mole Skin, shall we?

Well, there are actually a half dozen pages of blog/status blurbs which were posted. Not bad. There are set lists from three Old 97's/Rhett Miller shows this summer. And then the back portion is filled with lists of Bands/songs I heard on the radio and books to borrow from the library. Oooo, hey! There's a gift card stuffed in here, too! Bonus!

So I guess the Mole Skin experiment is working out okay.

Now if I can only figure out how keep a pen around...

Friday Photo #28

Ummmmm.....Thanks?

And Then There Was One...

My Father's sister passed away over the weekend. Aunt Helen was infirm and had been in a combination of retirement homes and nursing homes over the last four years. She was wheelchair bound, mainly because she refused to get out of it and walk around. In the end, I believe she had had enough, stopped eating and set her sites on dying. 

She married, but never had children. She was close to her younger sister, Rita and her children. She used to be close with all of us, but that was a longer time ago. Aunt Helen was always a lot of fun when we were growing up. She always had the snazziest cars--one of her big ole Chryslers had that classic, thin chrome steering wheel and a push-button transmission on the dash. One of her cars was Pepto Bismal pink. She was Cool.

And she always made the best cookies for holidays or events. Hundreds of them. The delicious, tedious ones which had to be patiently rolled or wrapped. Yum!

She was full of piss and vinegar, as the saying goes. She was lively and loud. She'd bust into our house unannounced all the time and stir things up...mostly in a good way. I loved it. I'm a huge fan of the drop in still. Sometimes she'd get in a "spirited debate" with my Dad, but mostly she brought life and laughter. 

A couple of summers I stayed with her for a week or so when I was 12 and 13. We'd go shopping, get ice cream, drive around. For some reason she had no eyebrows. I was fascinated watching her draw on her arcs one at a time every morning. (Weird what sticks with you) At night she'd tell me stories about the family. I really enjoyed the one-on-one time.

Then something, unknown to us to this day, changed for her. She became sour, angry and unable to reconcile the demons in her past. She became very difficult to be around. The negativity ate away at her. Maybe that's what happens when you get older. You dwell on the regrets and not the positives. I hope not. Judging by Aunt Helen's later life, it's a horrible way to live. 

I hope she's happier now. 

There were seven siblings...now there's just one. 

There will always only be one Aunt Helen. I will forever remember her the way she is in this photo. All duded up. A cocktail in one hand. Cigarette in the other. Full of life and spirited. 

May she rest in peace.

WTF?!?! 

or Holy Crap! Is that a Giant Squid?

Seriously. That's a giant squid. A cephalopod the size of a pre-teen. Multitudes of them. Off the coast of San Diego. Attacking divers. Check out these teeth! They have teeth. Did you know they had teeth? I didn't know they had teeth. 

Ouch!! Them choppers are U-G-L-Y. 

Oh, I'm sorry Mr. Squid. Did I say ugly...I meant utterly sharp and pointy and...a lovely shade of yellow. ha ha ha. Please don't eat me or bitch slap me with those bad-ass tentacles. *whimper*

No, this is not a newly penned, hideous, low-ball "When Calamari Attack" reality-type show on Fox either. Apparently massive numbers of the Humboldt sea monster traveled north from Mexico to dick with divers off the sandy shores of San Diego. 

Some marine biologists believe they headed north due to a recent earthquake screwing with their sonar. Others think the surly cephalopods were just chasing a food trail. Or maybe they heard so many good things about this week's Comic-Con, they decided to see for themselves.

But, Dude, fair warning. If the Chuck panel is full, for the love of all that is holy, let them have your seat. You don't want to get between them and their favorite characters. Things get nasty when they get cranky.

Here's a video of some crazy chick who got manhandled by one of the beasts...and is heading out for more. Clearly, she's a slow learner.