Is There Something You'd Like to Share With Me LG Versa? 

or where's that voice coming from? 

Okay, so the other day I was reading a text message from a friend and noticed this odd, square-faced, profile-looking icon in the upper right hand corner of the phone screen. Not being one to actually study the manuals of gizmos--much to Geo's shagrin, he reeeeeeally hates hates hates that I don't read manuals, mainly because I end up asking him questions about my phone, he gets annoyed, I get snippy, he gets testes..I mean, testy, then there's yelling, there's door slamming, yadda yadda yadda, next thing you know we're mopping blood from the floor. I kid. But it can be unpleasant...

Wait...where was I? 

Oh yeah. So I tap this button (insert you own off-color comment here) and lo and behold, this computerized chick voice starts reading the text message aloud in that creepy, stilted, Christopher Walken kinda way. 

Get Out!!! How cool is this?

So I start going through some of my old messages to have Stephen Hawking's wife read them aloud when I get to one from my bud, KJo wherein he has written laughter (Hahahahahahahaha) and "titties". The "hahas" came out sounding like the Tazmanian Devil character from Bugs Bunny cartoon fame. Funny enough, but "titties" came out accented improperly and in two very distinct syllables. Hilarious!

So naturally I shared my findings with KJo who IMMEDIATELY sent back a full page of off-color terms. I knew he'd come through for me. He's my hero, don't cha know.

I pushed the icon, and my little handheld Harlot spouted off words you can't say on television in her perfect 01001 computer dialect. When she got to "pussy" she read it as "puss-y" as in the contents of a festering boil. 

She's such a tramp.