Okay, so last night on the brilliantly irreverent Family Guy, the story line centered around Brian, the dog (yes, the dog) dating a woman who was 50 years old. Lois and Peter launched into this whole slam about her being decrepit and as ancient as Jessica Tandy. And then they were all--
You: Wait... The dog talks?
Me: *Sigh* Yes. The dog talks and drinks and dates bipedal women. That's not the point. The point is they were going on and on about how old, feeble and grandma-like this chick is and how Lois would have to cook dinner with more fiber for her since she is so elderly and has no teeth and so on and so forth, yadda yadda yadda...bite me.
Then later on when she and Brian are doing the nasty (I know..ewww, but just roll with it), she snaps a hip in two like a brittle twig in mid winter!?
COME ON!! She's only 50 for God's sake!!
I'm all for off-color humor and un-pc remarks, but this whole 50-is-like-dating-the-Crypt-Keeper thang hit a bit too close to my Mesozoic mandible. I'm mere months away from the big 5-0 and I take umbrage to the entire notion that I'm less than youthful or a kick to be around or need to wear a Medic Alert button around my neck for frelling sake.
I'm still vital, I tell ya. Vital!!
But I'm not bitter. No. Do I sound bitter? Because I'm not. Really. Not much anyway.
Why you be hating on us slightly beyond middle agers, Seth?
All I can say is you're killing me. Seriously. You, Seth MacFarland, are stabbing me in my very soul. I swear to God, when I get out of this chair I'm going to shoot you square in the head. I'm going to kick you so hard in your dingle-berries your Peter Griffin voice will sound like Tiny Tim singing one of those lame-ass, ukulele pieces of shit tunes. I'll show you...
(angrily gets up from chair...back stooped, knees crackling, hip popping)
dammit... I need a nap.
Here's a link to the hulu.com feed of the episode:
Here's a YouTube link to the segment discussed above:
Oh and for the record, I have no idea what a fucking davenport is.