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Tuesday, September 14, 2010

In Which We Book Lodging In The "You Might Feel A Slight Discomfort Inn"

Okay, so Geo and I have been taking a lot of small trips this year, mainly to hear the musical musings of one Rhett Miller.

I know. What a shocker.

We've been slumbering in a lot of hotels, many of which have been rather swanky and offer the Best. Beds. EVER! This whole new trend towards plush, 22 inch pillow-top mattresses, 400+ count Egyptian combed-cotton sheets and big fluffy pillows is like a little slice of heaven on Earth!! They are so epically comfortable I have to forcibly drag myself from the bed. These things are so irresistibly decadent I feel like I'm having a torrid affair with the smoothest lover on the planet.

Mmmmm.... Sorry. I'm back now.

Most of the places we've stayed have had pretty groovy bathroom fixtures, too. Very modern and high tech with lots of chrome. All class and glass.

Ah, but alas. Not all hotels are created equal.

Last year's Labor Day vacation was a complete washout thanks to a premenstrual Nor'easter pissing on our parade. This time around we were determined to beat Hurricane Earl to the beach. We left our house around 7pm. Geo, God love him, drove all night until we were ready to drop, ending part one of our journey close to the Atlantic City airport. We decided to stay at a chain hotel because at least they would be open at 1:30 in the morning.

So we find a Comfort Inn and fall asleep immediately because we are completely exhausted. Okay, we pack it in AFTER we jump on our iPods (hello free WiFi) to look through Facebook, Twitter and all the other crap that you cruise through because you're obsessed about it...

Anywho, the next morning I mosey in to take a shower. The first peculiar thing I notice is the shower curtain has a slightly patterned, clear horizontal window band about boob to brain wide.
Hi there! I'm taking a shower. By all means, come watch.

I can't decide if it's peak-a-boo pervy or the management catering to patrons who have an aversion to the movie Psycho.

Hmmmm...we did lock the door, right?

Once in the tub, I find the shower head is designed for Lilliputians. Seriously, I have never been so up close and personal with a shower head before. The thing was completely right at my eye level. I can tell you, hotel shower head...not something you want to check out too closely. It's kinda nasty. I had to squat down in order to get my head under the spray. At least it gives you a quad work out, right? After a 20 minute shower you can definitely feel the burn.
I swear I am not standing on my tip toes
Let's talk water pressure, shall we. With a head that large, you'd think the stream would be powerful, but no. (Oh! Oh! That's what she said!) I appreciate how soft water makes your hair feel all soft and silky smooth, but the too-gentle spray only makes it to around your belly button then, buh-bye! It's gone gone gone. I swear it just disappears. I don't think my feet even got wet.

And what is it with the hairdryers? Normal dryers have like 17 speeds and 14 temperatures, but this hotel hand blower (hee hee) has two speeds, whisper and rip the hair from its follicle jet engine.

Other than the L'il Tikes Shower Head, Norman Bates Collection shower curtain and gale-force wind dryer, our stay at the You Might Feel a Slight Dis-Comfort Inn was just fine, thank you.


Four Leaf Clover said...

Hey.... That shower head looks about perfect height for me =)

Murray said...

You would have felt right at home, Lori. LOL!