Just A Little Quickie 

(that's what HE said) 

Okay, so quick story... we subscribe, okay I subscribe to an online daily hororscope--just for shits and giggles. It's fun to read. According to these folks, apparently we are all in a positive spin even though that bastard of a planet, Mercury is lurking in our unmentionables..er, atmospheres. Seems the rest of the ruling planets have effectively bitch-slapped his ass into behaving. But I digress...

Anyway, this is today's general forecast:

"Get ready for a bit of excitement today as emotional lightning strikes to shake, rattle and roll our lives. Our desires are strong and we may not be satisfied by the same old routines now as romantic Venus joins unorthodox Uranus for a cosmic dance. Additionally, feisty Mars forms a cooperative sextile (what is that?) with Venus and (planetary party animal) Uranus, raising the stakes and encouraging us to take a risk. The adventurous Sagittarius Moon fuels the fires and lifts our spirits." 

Along with our skirts, perhaps?

Looks like the Cosmos is getting freaky-deaky today. Grab your fancy dancin' duds, Ladies. Apparently it's not a party until you're getting down with Uranus. And THAT is what she said.

The World According to Enzyte

or the gift that keeps on "giving"...if you know what I mean

Okay, so one of my many duties at work (she said doodie) is inserting commercial spots into our server. Now I don't know about you, but I'm sick of all the dong-drug advertising on the boob tube these days. I mean really...what the eff does a couple sitting in two separate tubs have to do with "male enhancement"? Or is that sh*t so powerful, the dude's johnson is going bust through the porcelain and come at his intended like a heat seeking missile. I don't think so.

Honestly...do we really need a bunch of bitter, old men walking around sporting crotch rockets in search of a landing strip. Again...I think not. And besides... EEeewwwww!

Anyhoo, one of the many gazillion spots I dubbed today was an Enzyte ad, the "male enhancement" drug that claims to magnify your man-marbles. For a pork steeple drug advert, at least these are highly entertaining. You know the one where this goofy dude is dressed as Santa and he's smiling like a butcher's dog while the voice over guy says clever stuff like... "Bob has a sleigh full of confidence and a sack full of pride and the one thing that every lady likes...the joy of the gift that keeps on giving." Tongue firmly planted in cheek.  

This put me in mind of an email I received at home the other night, coincidentally about male enhancement drugs. The peculiar thing is the sending address was my actual home email address...like I sent it to myself. What the?!? I had been totally Spammed. I'm virtually clueless about computers, but I did see a notation to "click here to unsubscribe". So I clicked unsubscribe.

Holy Crap!?!? My Eyes! My Eyes!

Usually when you unsubscribe it takes you to a fairly blank page wherein you type your email address to be rid of the foul spam. Not this one.

It was...uh, rather colorful and eye popping, if you know what I mean...and I think you do. Filled in fact with multitudes of man-meat in before and after photos. I searched the page...albeit, sloooooowly... for the unsubscribe link. Not finding a link, I thought, well...since I'm here already... you know... what the hell. Why not have a look-see. Check out the before and afters to see if the comparative packages had the same dimples or the images were *gasp* doctored. Purely for research purposes, mind you. Besides I was already emotionally scarred by my initial viewing, so what's another week or two of therapy.

Damn if the pix didn't have the same weird dingly-dang dents and scrotum saggage before and after. G0 figure. Maybe there's something to this stuff. *snort* Yeah, right. Whatever.

In any case, note to self: do not reach for the "unsubscribe" button unless you want an eyeful of the south pole, if you get my meaning... and I think you do.

"It's A New Day From Now On"

(Ron Sexsmith) full lyrics here  

Ladies and Gentlemen...may we present to you our 44th President of the United States of America, Barak H. Obama.

In an extremely unsettled world, the transfer of power happened without gunfire, guerilla warfare or any other violent force. It happened peacefully in a dignified and orderly manner.

As I choked back tears witnessing this momentous occasion, I was filled with renewed pride to be an American.

May God bless him with wisdom, courage, grace and the ability to inspire those here and abroad to do the right thing.

Here We Go Steelers! Here We Go!

or pack your bags, Lucille... we're going to Tampa

Okay, so today is a holiday in honor of Martin Luther King. Most folks, except for us morons who chose a 24/7 profession, are off today. Good thing, too. You see last night the Steelers managed to win a berth in the Holiest of High Holy games...the Super Bowl. They didn't just win the game...they won the game at HOME, which hasn't happened here for a long 13 years.

Even though the evening's performance was less than inspiring, all was forgiven when the long-flowing, raven-haired Adonis, Troy Polamalu intercepted a Raven's pass and scrambled into the end zone with 4:24 left on the clock--bringing the 65,000+ to their feet in a golden Terrible Towel waving frenzy. (Of course I had to call my big sister in NJ to celebrate her boy's victory. I knew she'd be cheering her head off. She was.)

A coworker was at the game and said about three quarters of the fans hung around for the ceremony and Zambelli fireworks. It's Pittsburgh...there are ALWAYS fireworks. We're fireworks happy here. And they are the best! Somehow I don't think these folks minded the long wait to get out of the parking lot. I know people in our neighborhood were hooting and hollering long into the night.

Here's another reason why I love my town...

At the Pens game earlier in the day, fans were encouraged to bring their Terrible Towels to wave in support of the Steelers match. Which they did, along with signs like "You're in Steelers Country". I'm happy to report my beloved Boys of Winter defeated the Rangers 3-0. When our goalie, Marc-Andre Fleury skated out to acknowledge being the #1 star of the game, guess what...he was donning a gold throwback Steelers helmet and waving a towel. You gotta love it.

Yep. We're all family here.

Friday Photo #10  

what the??!?? *teeth chattering* 

Okay, so I wake up this morning to a definite chill in the air. I run downstairs to punch up the heat when I see this... 45 degrees!?!!! What the?!? 45 degrees...the HOUSE is 45 degrees!?! 

The furnace, she is making noise, but she no produce the heat. Sassy wench. 

It is literally -5 degrees outside...and the furnace isn't working. Are you KIDDING ME? I'm like freaking Bob Cratchet here! I'm in layers...I'm in a coat and scarf...my hands are so cold, I have to stuff them in my crotch for warmth between sentences. YOW! That's cold...even through the long johns. 

The furnace dude promises me he'll be here some time between now and the vernal equinox. Great. Take your time. I should be an ice fossil by then.

AND to top it off, I exited iPhoto without ejecting my photo card properly and have now lost all of my videos of my beloved fantasy second husband and hottie, Rhett Miller from said card. Stupid Stupid procedures!

 *whimpers* ice crystal tears scraping her cheek*

*sigh* This day has the potential to really blow. 

On a positive note though, I won't need ice cubes for the numerous cocktails I plan to consume today... you know, for warmth. Yeah, for warmth. Cheers! 

A Hockey Night In Pittsburgh 

or hmmmm...who knew it could be so dirty 

Okay, so our little nephew won free tickets to last night's Penguins game. It was a crushing 6-3 loss for my beloved Pens. The final humiliating blow being an empty net goal with three minutes left and us with a TWO-MAN ADVANTAGE!!?! Oh the pain! *sob*

Anywho, I'm very vocal at games. Surprise! (not) It's difficult not to get caught up in the atmosphere and start screaming things at random. The thing is... I never noticed how dirty sounding the crowd banter is when taken out of context. Last night I suddenly became aware of the off-color nature of my (and others) remarks...

"Get it in!!"

"Get it out!!!"

"Keep it in!

"Get back in the crease!!"

"Get out of that end!"

That'swhatshsaid!That'swhatshesaid!That'swhatshesaid!That'swhatshesaid!That'swhatshesaid!

...I think I need a cigarette.

On Golden Globes

Yeah...I'm talkin' about you, Rita

It's January which means only one thing...tis the awards season. It starts with the People's Choice and motors on until the Mother of all awards shows... the Oscars (which seems to be scheduled earlier and earlier every year). And although all the glitz and glamour surrounding the Oscars is a great treat for me personally...I have to admit the Golden Globes is my favorite.

Seriously. If I was ever able to be a seat filler, the double Gs would be my choice, hands down. I love, love, love how they're so loosey-goosey. I mean, come on...they have a bar. Not just a bar--an OPEN bar, which is tapped quite often by the attending honorees. As the amount of alcohol consumption increases, so does the entertainment factor. By the time the last of the statuettes is dolled out, the accepting tongues are quite free-wheeling.

I love how the redneck cousin Television contingent gets to mix it up with the Hollywood elite. It's such a great party atmosphere. They all sit at round tables stocked with a generous bucket of champagne and are free to roam about chatting up their peers and idols. Plus there is no straight line to the stage. Each winner is forced to weave around table after table where they are met with high-fives, broad smiles--even some celebratory whoops. The decibel level is so loud and chatty returning from the breaks, they practically needed a bullhorn to settle the troops down for the presenters to be heard. Who wouldn't want to attend? Everyone has such a great time. It's a Hep-Cat Hootenanny awash in tuxes and ta-tas!

Speaking of "ta-tas", this year the path to the stage wound past the cheering section of Tom and Rita Hanks. I don't know if that was indeed the quickest way to retrieve their candy-coated prize or the dudes just wanted to get a closer look at Rita's spectacularly displayed globes.

Yowza! Seriously. The girls were promenading proudly. I mean, she walked into the room, and then... she walked into the room. If you know what I mean. Not bad for an old broad. Mrs. Hanks wasn't the only one either. Salma took her Hayeks out for a lovely spin as well.

As my hubby would say, "I'm sorry. Were you speaking?"

Other highlights (yes, there were other, non-physical highlights)...

Tracey Jordan delivering the acceptance speech for 30 Rock.

You know, he sounds drunk to me even when he's sober, but tipsy he's extra slurry. He delivered this non sequitur "Welcome to postracial America--I am the face of postracial America. Deal with it, Cate Blanchett!" (wha???) Then he proceeded to thank random posse members, DJ Dave, Crotch Rot Carl, Pencil Dick Pete...who the hell knows. Honestly I couldn't understand him, but his ramble was funnier than anything else I'd heard him do before. Finally, Alec Baldwin (being all Alec Baldwinie in his cool, Alec Balwin whisper) leaned in to remind him to at least thank the producer.

Tina Fey was her usual brilliant wit, claiming to own all of the Foreign Press action figures and calling out all the bloggers who slammed her during the year by telling them all (in particular "Dianefan") to "suck it".

But by far the biggest surprise was Mickey Rourke's fairly amusing acceptance speech which was sprinkled with more than one reference to someone's balls, and ending with his producer jokingly flipping him the bird. I guess it's safe to say NBC wasn't broadcasting in delay. Naughty Naughty, NBC. 

Plus, the top movie honors went to Woody Allen's Vicki Cristina Barcelona and an relatively unknown Indian entry Slumdog Millionnaire. You never see that at the Oscars.

All that and they finished on time. Yep. The double Gs are definitely worth the price of admission.