Sorry, Wrong Number 

or wait...is this still on?!?  

Okay, so last week my Krazr decided to stop taking it's lithium and went completely Norman Bates psycho. I mean, like really nuts...shutting itself off, losing service, ending calls. I think it might have caught some kind of cyberspace STD (the little trollup) flirting with this rogue TXT message that kept showing up randomly. Seriously, if it had a head, it would have been spinning a 360, vomiting up green pea soup and calling me the "C" word.

Needless to say it was pronounced dead at the Verizon store where there was a lovely little ceremony in it's honor after which it's lifeless hull was donated to science and the women's shelter. This left me the arduous task of choosing another device with which to be frustrated...uh, I mean play.

Holy Stromboli! 

There are waaaay too many choices for my bean to comprehend. They were having a significant deal on Blackberries (a BOGO, if you will), but it would have cost an extra $60 per month for the service because they hog tie you with all of the "Data" services at Ole Verizon. Anywho...we decided on two LG's, a Chocolate for Geo and a Versa for me, because, you know, I'm spoiled and have to have the keyboard which wraps around the phone like a case. Plus I got the bells and whistles in the form of internet service and GPS navigation, et al.

$3000 later with an agreement to give up our first born in our next lifetime, we walk out of the store with our new swanky phones and a manual which pretty much reads like an incomprehensible Greek tragedy, chiseled from the Rosetta Stone in ancient Cuneiform. Then I proceed to drop it on the floor in the mall, scattering its multiple parts all over a four foot area much to Geo's dismay. But that's another story altogether...

Fast forward (or I guess flash backward) to Saturday. I'm at work getting ready to record our High School quiz shows when my bud, K-Schnikes, whom I've written of in a prior post linked here, comes in to audio to chat and check out my new phone. I'm showing him how the touch screen works in the contacts folder. I hand it to K-Schnikes to let him try his hand at the touch screen. His big ole fingers fling the text which lands randomly on one John Green, Award winning young adult author of whom I've written here. 

(Brief background: K-Schnikes LOVES John Green and his writings and was quite giddy (as was I) when we got to hang with John and his brother Hank back in November.)

Continuing on...

So my FRIEND jokingly says, "Hey, let's call him" and hits the screen. Ms. Versa starts dialing the freaking number!! "Holy CRAP!" I say in my usual demure and feminine way, slamming the keyboard case shut. 

Whew! That was a close one. We proceed to chat and listen to some CDs I brought to use for our hosts entrance. It's all good...

And that's when I see it... the time ticking along on the front screen of my phone. 1:48  1:49 1:50... 

My eyes widen to the size of dinner plates. OMG!!! The phone connection is still ON!!! Slamming the cover closed DOES NOT END THE CALL!  

sh*t sh*t SH*T! 

Then, horror of horrors, I realize my name will show up with my number since I gave him my cell number to call me when they got into town. Oh great... Our entire unguarded conversation is now a ridiculously, random ramble on the voicemail of one of the nicest notable persons I've ever met--who now thinks I'm a nut job. How mortifying. Damn you, technology and your fancy ways!

Surely I'm not the only one out there who has had a new phone blunder worthy of a red face or two. I'd love to hear a story or three, you know, to make me feel less of a total asshat... or at least an asshat in good company. So come on, kids..spill it. Think of it as community service to the elderly. 

Also, please enjoy this completely stupid act. The fun begins at :52. Now this dude is asshat royalty. Enjoy! 

Friday Photo #18 

or why my neighborhood rocks... 

Okay, so instead of posting a photo today I was going to do a link to my first posting which explains how I'm consistently inconsistent...hence the lack of adherence to the whole Friday Photo thingie because quite honestly, I haven't taken any interesting shots lately and I basically  just plain old didn't feel like putting out the effort. I'm lazy that way. Sorry.

But then I remembered this photo taken years ago in our neighborhood (conveniently right outside the liquor store) and thought... Hells yeah, Boobies!!! Yay! 

Okay, so technically it's graffiti therefore vandalism, but really...how could you not laugh out loud at the sight of that? That's funny. FYI it has been cleaned up probably by the author of said message, but it lives on for eternity in our iPhoto Library and now here for your enjoyment.

GO MEAT!! 

Random Crap 

or attempting to unclog my mental hard drive  

Random Act of Oddness #1:

Okay, so about a month ago I felt like my jeans were a bit too baggy, right. I hadn't weighed myself for about ... oh six months, so I decided to jump on our scale to see what's what. We have one of those sliding weight scales you see in the doctor's office that registers from 0 pounds to like, you know, baby elephant. Anywho, I jump on and slide the weight to my usual starting point, 150 when the lever sinks like a concrete-shoed enemy of the Corleone family tossed in the East River. 

Wha? Cool!

I slide it back to the more palatable 100 pound mark and lo and behold... I've lost 10 pounds! Sweet! Every girls dream, right? Except I wasn't actively trying to lose weight. Sure I needed to drop the excess poundage and I'm certainly grateful for the surprise loss, but ... how the Hell did this happen? I'm stoked to be down roughly two whole sizes, but Geo's all concerned something nasty is lurking in my system. Or maybe he's just not liking my need to buy more clothes.

Random Act of Oddness #2:

Okay, so I'm driving home from yet another PT session when I spot this license plate in front of me: 

Sorry...that makes the 12-year-old in me chuckle

Random Act of Oddness #3:

Today is March 19. Check this out...

76 degrees... on March 19! The last couple of days have been gorgeous, warm, sunny days replete with the return of birds chirping their wee heads off. Aaaah, but this respite from frigid temps is just a tease, for tomorrow it all goes temporarily downhill. 

Oh March... must you always be the Lucy to our Charlie Brown, pulling the football out from under us at the last sec--Holy crap! Look at that dust. I really have to clean my car.

Random Act Of Oddness #4:

Anyone who knows me well, knows when a phrase strikes my fancy I tend to beat it to death. Prime example is the overuse of the  whole "that's what she said" thang. Well ladies and gents, we have a new contender for overused catch phrase of the day. Have you seen the new Hillshire Farms campaign? It's totally retarded, but I'm sure I'll be repeatedly working that tag line into my vernacular as my closing...because, that's how I role.

 

On a completely unrelated note:

OMG! We're watching last night's Daily Show and Jon & company just ran the BEST clip of some yahoo conservative TV pundit claiming people are so upset with the current administration they are taking to holding revolutionary era "tea party" protests around the country. Further stating they want to ... and I'm quoting here...  "Teabag the White House". 

Yes, you read correctly. "Teabag the White House"  to which Jon retorted, "I don't think 'teabag the white house' means what you think it means" and then manages to work in Dirty Sanchez... Oh just do yourself a favor and watch it for yourself. The fun and games start at :45 in. Enjoy!

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

IndigNation! Populist Uprising '09 - The Enragening

Daily Show Full Episodes
Important Things w/ Demetri Martin

Political Humor
Jim Cramer

GO MEAT!!

Oh My Aching Head

or I have one year to get technically saavy..yeah, right..

Okay, so Mary Ann, Howard, hopefully Geo and I are planning to dive into the quagmire of SXSW next year. As an attempt to get a taste of what to expect, I've been tracking the goings on, schedules... madness via Twitter which has the official SXSW schedule updating every nano second.

OH MY FREAKING GOD!!!???!!!!!!!!

There is SO MUCH of EVERYTHING!! The list of musical acts alone is, like three miles long. And they keep adding to the "Unofficial Music" list every ten minutes. It started off with 1800 acts...who knows how many there are now. They also have this MailChimp site on which you can create a personalized events calendar. I'm thinking this is going to be essential if we have any hope to organize and optimize our band plan.

Of course, someone in our party better figure out how to use this thing before we go or we are screwed...and not in a "that was a fun five minutes" way. I'm guessing taking a Blackberry or iPhone would be helpful, too. Or maybe dragging a 15-year-old, uber computer literate, internet socially hip lad/lass to lead us dinosaurs around is the way to go. But wait.. this is supposed to be fun, right? Oy....

Watch out SXSW... the Flintstones are coming!

Friday Photo(s) #17

or a lame attempt to recreate Wyeth's Christina's World  

Okay, so last year Geo and I went to Maine with my sister and brother-in-law, the land baron and baroness. It was beautiful. We walked the rocky coastline, ate loads of fresh seafood including a truly delectable lobster roll and drove to the Olsen farm. THE actual Olsen farm of Andrew Wyeth painting fame. How cool is that?

Naturally, since I'm such a goober, we attempted to recreate Mr. W's painting. I believe I could hear him spinning in his grave....

In Which I Admit I Am A HUGE Bonehead...  

This is shaping up to be a really. shitty. week.

First I get a speeding ticket on Saturday morning (yes, I'm lumping Saturday into this week-Saturday is snowball X in the avalanche of bad ju ju) heading for work, a little late. Okay, so I was going 53 in a 35mph stretch, but it was the ramp to the parkway which should be a 50mph limit. Plus I really, REALLY had to go to the bathroom. Seriously, I had a turtle head going on there. 

The cop slowly strolls up and taps the window. I try to act normally even though I'm desperately clenching my sphincter and starting to sweat a little, because you know, that puppy wants to come out. He asks the usual... is there a reason why you were driving at the speed of light in a negative mph zone at 4am when there is absolutely no one else on the road, but I had finished my third donut and was bored sitting there so I figured I'd piss on your cereal flakes. 

What was I going to say to him? Please sir, I urgently need to drop a couple kids off at the lake, if you know what I mean. Otherwise there will be a stank in this car so foul it will send the earth rotating backwards. (that doesn't even make sense...whatever) So I tell him I'm late for work. He could care less, takes my info, strolls back to his cruiser, talks to his Mom, calls his bookie, plays a few games of solitaire, sends for back up (yes, a SECOND cop car actually pulled up), finishes his book, calls in a song dedication to Delila, polishes his shoes, rips a branch off a nearby tree to scrape the shitz from is teeth and thumbtacks a $155 ticket to my forehead. 

Have a nice day, Ma'am. Drive safely.

Great. I get to work late, have to scurry... if you call clenching your butt cheeks and wobble-running with your knees together scurrying... to the ladies room before things get ugly and then have the honor to work a 12 hour day. Plus, as an added bonus for calling now, lose an hour of sleep because of the stupid, stupid daylight savings time thing.   

That's right. Saturday was also the night we "Spring Forward" as every weather geek likes to cheerfully proclaim. Don't even get me started about that daylight savings crap. I don't see the point of it anymore, except that it messes up our collective internal clock twice a year and makes the equipment at work convulse. I mean, some states don't even bother with it, so why should the rest of us have to suffer. A link to an interesting site explaining DST is here. 

All I know is this is kicking my ass. I get so confused in the evening. It's bright and sunny, yet it's 8pm and I still haven't had dinner yet!? WTF, mate?

Then I download a music file last night and get our computer trapped in a major "pop under" Hell. OHMIGOD!! It would not stop. Geo rightfully got ticked with me. Thankfully he managed to correct the issue after a couple of restarts. Ugh! I am such a bonehead!

Then Geo throws an enormous cannon ball of honesty at me (which I totally deserve) in an attempt to right my ship which has left me splintered and listing a little. Now all I really want to do is stay in bed, but I can't because I have to do, like, 2,000 PT exercises every day to try to strengthen and straighten my cantankerous 80-year-old back.

Perhaps it's the lingering effects of the bloody time change, or the full moon, or my inability to make sound decisions lately, but I am just waaaay off kilter. 

I feel like Seinfeld, "I'm dating a virgin. I'm in this contest. (There's a naked girl living across the way.) Something's gotta give, BABY!"

Tomorrow is Friday the 13th. I'm staying home.

Trick or Tweets 

or I think this new techno crap is going to make my  head explode  

Today I had this overwhelming sense of ... overwhelming. 

Seriously. My entire drive home I felt a pressure enveloping my entire being along with a sense of ennui bordering on depression. You know what it was from? Technology. Mainly the technology of excessive connectivity through Facebook, MySpace and especially Twitter. 

Seems like it's not good enough to just hang with coworkers, friends and family anymore. Now you have to make a connection with every person on this bloody blue planet!?!! And if you aren't spending every waking moment sitting your fat ass down in front of the computer tweeting or updating your status on that mocking bar from Facebook, you're just a big fat loser. Even though sitting in front of your computer every waking moment tweeting and facebooking and blogging about insipid shit without actually getting out and living your life is the very definition of a big loser. (Hey wait a minute... I resemble that last bit. Aaaaaaa!!)

Like today at work, I logged onto Twitter--okay I really shouldn't be doing this at work, but the boss was away so I had some time to kill in between duties, don't judge me--because I was going to cancel it since I really don't understand this 140 character blurbing thing. I mean, come on. Nobody cares if I had cereal or monkey balls for breakfast. Seriously. Most people's entries are deadly dull and mundane to the point of making others wish for the sweet release of death. 

That said, I signed on originally out of curiosity and to follow this interesting woman, Cindy Royal, who is really into the music scene in Austin. We've been talking about heading to Austin 

next year for the SXSW festival and she's imparted some very helpful advice. She's actually really cool, and has totally embraced the whole tuned-in-through-technology lifestyle. I don't know how she finds time for everything...she teaches at the large local college, interviews musicians for a Texas music mag, goes to clubs multiple times a week, blogs about the local music scene (including videos), is on Twitter a LOT and will be podcasting interviews all throughout SXSW. And she's like my age, which makes me feel old and Jurassic and want to eat infants and Super Heros. 

Next thing you know, I'm finding notable folks in which I'm actually interested. Pete Yorn, YA author John Green, Germaine from Flight of the Conchords, Stephen Colbert and then I see it... the divine Rhett Miller! And he replied to me...

Oh Man! I can feel myself being sucked into the vortex. 

And that's when my soul imploded. 

The overwhelming weight of constant communication was too great for my little bone structure. I had this horrible thought... Is my life so empty I need to frantically run through the interweb, arms akimbo, so as not to "miss out" on anything? Do I not have a wonderfully witty and fulfilling social network right here, within arms length?  

Sure it's easy (especially on Twitter) to start to believe your little suburban, nine-to-five life sucks because your not out there doing cool shit and hanging with celebrities like a witty author, or a huge television personality or a totally hot rock star. 

That's the time to take a deep breath, step away from the computer and phone somebody real in your life. Hopefully they won't be too busy "tweeting" to answer.